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Who said compatibility issues can occur only between couples? If you have ever lived with a roommate(s), you may have felt some compatibility issues. Living with someone who is neither your family nor your friend can be intimidating at times as you might not be aware of the lifestyle and habits of the person with whom you are supposed to share your room. It is not that only college students have to share their room with another person or a roommate but there are many people who are working professionals who share their living space with someone who is not their family, friend or partner. If you are about to share your room with a stranger or staying with them for a long time, you need to identify if your roommate is toxic or not.
Scroll down to read about the problems and how to deal with them effectively:
1. They Overreact To Everything, Even Minor Ones
We humans might get pissed off and react on certain things, but overreacting on every little thing can be problematic. If you see your roommate is overreacting on even mere things, then you might be living with a toxic roommate. 23 year old Priya (name changed), a writer from Bangalore shared her experience with Boldsky, "My ex-roommate used to get uncomfortable with white flowers that I brought, the way I placed a glass and the food I used to eat."
Priya says, 'My ex-roommate was quite particular about how I work on my laptop. When I worked on my laptop, she used to tell me, she was getting affected by its harmful rays. Moreover, she didn't like if I get up early and brush my teeth as this would disrupt her sleep."
Solution: You can explain your perspective to your roommate or ignore what he or she says to you. Instead of raising your voice, talk to your roommate in a calmer way or things might turn into a fight.
2. They Are Never In A Mood To Clean Up The Mess
If you are the one who is always cleaning the room, then it might be a sign that your roommate is lazy. It is possible that they will leave their dirty dishes in the sink, not clean hair clogged shower drain or refuse to clean the place after the party is over. Moreover, when you ask them to help you, they are ready with lame excuses.
Shruti Mehta (20) a Delhi University student shares her experience with Boldsky, "Whenever I asked my ex-roommate to help in cleaning the kitchen, she used to say, 'I have to rush for a meeting', 'I have got mild headache' or 'Oh, I am allergic to dust'. I had to clean the entire house single handedly."
Solution: Instead of waiting for your roommate to help you in cleaning the mess, you can either hire a maid to help you or you can clean your part and leave the rest. So that your roommate can take her own responsibilities.
3. They Are Unapologetic
There is nothing wrong if your roommates use your things and return them to you. But, if your roommates are using your things without seeking your permission, and do not return the same to you, then probably you should give it some thought. Also, if they are not at all apologetic for their actions that have harmed you in some way or the other, or made you feel uncomfortable, then maybe it is a sign that your roommate is toxic.
"My ex-roommate used to play loud music in the room itself when I used to sleep and she was never sorry for that. Not just that, she would also never apologise for spoiling my dresses whenever she used to take my clothes to wear," said Priya.
Solution: If you have lent your clothes to your roommates, make sure to ask for it on time. Also, if you notice the dress is spoilt, ask your roommates to fix it. But if your roommates are irresponsible, you can also deny from lending your clothes to them.
4. They Are Overcritical All The Time
Everybody has some flaws or the other in themselves and their loved ones might criticise them at times. But if your roommates are overcritical about everything that you do then you must re-think about with who you are sharing your room with.
"A person who is overly critical about everything makes the environment quite negative and so did my ex-roommate," says Shruti.
"No matter what I bought, my roommate never failed to criticise my choices. Initially, I thought my taste is not good but then I realised she is judgemental about everything I do. It could be the way I sat or combed my hair. She also had problems with the way I used to tie my shoelaces!" laughed Priya.
Solution: If you think your roommates are criticising your bad habits, then you can improve those habits otherwise you can talk regarding your habits. But make sure to sound calm and convincing at your end.
5. They Will Ask Their Roommates To Pay The Rent
Your roommates might ask you to pay their rent on their behalf. They could also give you an assurance that they would pay you back.
Helping needy people is never a problem, but you might often see that they are buying new dresses every other day. Also, they might never return your money. If this is the case, you must become more careful in such circumstances.
"She used to cry every time while paying the rent, and yet she would have enough money toorder fancy food items or purchase new dresses," mentioned Priya.
Solution: As said above helping is good but if your roommates always ask you to pay their share of rent and never return you the amount, then you can ask them to return the same. Or you can deny paying for them.
6. They Often Bring Their Friends
Bringing friends at your place is not a problem unless it happens on a regular basis and that too without your information. Also, if the friends of your roommates are causing problems and your roommates are not acknowledging this, then you might be living with toxic people.
"Once I told my roommate 'I'm tired and want to sleep peacefully'. Forget about being understanding, she would call her friends late at night and then they would party and gossip. This made my sleep fly out of the window. Moreover, her friends used to sleep on my bed as well," said Priya.
Solution: The best thing that you can do is fix a time when you and your roommates can call friends and have a party. This will avoid unnecessary discussion and arguments.
7. They Ignore You
You are ignored by your roommates, but in return they expect you to include them in your plans every time. This could be a sign that you are living with toxic people. They might not ask you before going for a movie but would ask you to count them in when you go out with your friends.
"At times, I felt left out as my roommate used to ignore me. She used to ignore me after having an argument with her partner. When I felt talking to her, she would call her partner and would not listen to me. But she expected me to console after having a bitter fight with her partner," mentioned Shruti.
Solution: Ask your roommates to count you in the plan and ask their help more often. This way you will be giving them a hint that you are open to having a friendship with them.
8. They Love To Play Blame Game
Doesn't matter if they broke your glass jar or left the geyser switched on, you are the only one who they will blame for everything. And if they are caught red-handed, forget about apologies, they would definitely point fingers at you.
Solution: Instead of pointing out the mistakes, help them to understand why geyser needs to be switched off. Also, make them understand it is never a bad thing to accept the mistakes committed by them.
Though we all know that finding a perfect roommate is never easy as a perfect human never exists. But one can definitely learn to adjust and compromise while living with other people, who are neither your family or friends.