Things I couldn't say is on this page and I hope this eases you for understanding why I had to leave.
"I can't breathe when I'm without you. I wish you had said this once to me when we were together.
Violins that had been playing all the while, when I was in love with you, have stopped playing their version of love.
The words that I always wanted to hear when I was in love with you, were never said to me. Your version of love was only addressed to what you wanted from me.
You know what drives me, out of my mind?
It is the thought of falling for the wrong person. It is the thought not being able to hear the words that I craved for. The only thing that concerned me was the feeling of us and you could never give it to me. Your actions were limited to touching the body, which you thought you owned.
You forgot that loving is not easy and not only revolves around the body. It is words that matter too.
It is the things you could have said and it would have meant the world to me.
Your Appreciation For The Efforts
You could have at least appreciated once regarding the efforts I have given to keep us together. I had thought all those times that you are hard in showing affection and appreciation and it is not your cup of tea. I used to think that you always appreciated the efforts but could never say.
I had fallen in love with the words you never said. I just thought you had difficulty in expressing your feelings.
Your Feelings About Me
You never told me about what you felt when you were with me. I did expect you to say it to me at least once just to ease my volcano of thoughts. These thoughts kept questioning your love and I used to keep this volcano dormant. I never wanted to hurt your sentiments with my overthinking.
But I couldn't live without knowing what you felt about me. I turned my back on overthinking, but I couldn't do that with my expectation. I wanted you to tell me how you felt when you thought of me when you were with me. I wanted to know.
I fell for those words you never said and all I did to comfort myself was walk through the memory lane in search of those expected answers. I never found any. I am still looking for a single sentence from the past, where you expressed what you felt about me.
Your Happiness Was With Me
I never could understand you. You never showed any signs that would suggest you were happy being with me. I never could get inside your soul in search of you. The gateway to the soul was closed forever for me and I tried hard. I want you to know, I just kept thinking that you were happy with me. But I wasn't sure. The words I wanted to hear from you were never said to me and I was just in love with those with the perspective of you being happy.
Your Honest Characterization Of Me
I wanted you to tell me what you thought of me. Honestly, I just wanted to know me from your perspective. I wanted you to tell all my flaws, all my wrongs, all my good deeds, what attracted you the most about me, etc. But you weren't interested in knowing me.
You had the sole intention of something else and your agenda was clear and mine was to know how much you felt for me.
The Love Revolving Around Us
The love between us was body based. From start to the very last moment, it was always about the intimacy of skin and flesh and no feelings. I was the fool to put down my feelings in a land of dead emotions. It was only flesh that you craved for and not the feelings.
The love we had. I do not know what it was and how it happened and where did it go. You never said those magical words. I was the one who kept on repeating the words about how much I loved and all you did say was - yes or no.
If that was the way you express your love, I'm sorry for leaving, as I couldn't handle it."
I fell in love with the words you never said.
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