Planning To Have A Kid? Critical Conversations Or Frank Dialogue That You Need To Have With Your Partner

It is said that the joy of becoming a mother lasts forever. Having a child itself is a big deal and joyous as well since you see your future as a couple. But, the risks and challenges that come with them can make you and your partner go bonkers. Not only it changes your relationship, but it changes your life forever.

Think of anything (literally anything) at all and it won't be the same. From your changes in eating habits to sleeping patterns, and wearing your favourite outfits to going out with your partner and friends- there will be profound lifestyle modifications, and it will become overwhelming for some.

So, if you and your partner are talking or have intended to discuss which colour the room will be or what pillows to decorate the crib, hold on and let these casual conversations take a backseat!

Before taking a big decision, it is best to dig deep and have honest conversations about your feelings as a couple

By chance want to avoid post-baby battles? If yes, now is the time to sit down with your partner and have critical conversations or frank dialogue before your baby arrives.

1. What Happens If You Are Not Able To Get Pregnant? Will You Adopt Instead?

You keep trying to be pregnant, visit clinics and follow everything your doctor has said and yet you do not have a successful mark. Even after endless fertility treatments, your plan of having a biological child is unfulfilled, then it comes to critical decision-making. Will you consider looking into the adoption? For this, you need to stand as a couple together and be on the same page.

2. Should We Terminate The Pregnancy If Screening Reveals The Baby Has A Severe Disability?

According to the Indian Academy of Pediatrics, Globally, congenital anomalies affect 2-3% of births. In India too, 1-3 out of 100 babies are born with birth defects accounting for 27 million babies being born with birth defects each year.

Even though this is a tough one, you still have choices. One way to go about it is by becoming mentally prepared when it comes to child care, and financial planning to support their medical condition. Also, you need to think and understand how it will affect your relationship dynamics. The other is to terminate it or go for an abortion if you and your partner agree.

3. How Should We Plan Our Career Post Childbirth Or Should We Go For Childcare?

You and your partner need to discuss if you will plan full-time jobs, look for part-time options or stay at home and take care of the child. What about the time when they start going to school after 3 or 4 years? If you have worked all your life, will it affect you emotionally and financially? Also, what are your plans about childcare and no one having to quit their jobs?

4. When It Comes To Raising A Child, Do You Want It To Be Similar To Yours Or Do You Want To Do It Differently?

There can be a lot of dilemmas around this one, especially if you do not want to bring them up in the same environment as yours or your partners'. It can also be a mixed bag of ethics and morals that you want your kid(s) to have. If you want to live in a metropolitan city or you want the vibe of a small cosy town post the delivery of your child and how you want to raise them needs to be sorted out. This will uncomplicate certain areas for sure.

5. How Will To Ensure That Your Personal Time Is Not Compromised? How Will You Keep The Spark Intact?

Even though it doesn't seem like a critical question, it does have a huge impact if not discussed properly. Spending time as a couple is different from spending time as a family. Time management is crucial here and therefore, both partners need to be on the same page. It is essential that even after having kids, as a unit, you and your partner are having their personal time. From organising simple dates to giving gifts they like and value, or taking them to a movie hall. There are plenty of ways to keep the spark alive in your relationship. Also, staying physically connected is essential- it can be a sweet moment while holding hands, kissing and hugging each other, or it can be steamy intercourse.

6. Which Family Name And Religion Should We Choose For Our Children?

This is a very critical conversation, name, surname and religion are something that is forced upon a lot of people. If you want your child to cultivate individual beliefs out of their choice, then they need to step back. Also, if it is about selecting names, then do not start fighting at the hospital immediately after you push out a baby. The aim should be to cooperate and compromise lovingly.

7. What About The Division Of Labour And Is Co-Sleeping Possible?

If you do not want zombie-like glares from your exhausted partner in the middle of the night, then a division of labour is the best idea. Newborn babies need 8-12 feedings in a 24-hour period. Therefore, you and your partner can take turns when it comes to nightly feedings, changing diapers or putting your tiny one to sleep.

Also, when it comes to household chores, pretty soon either of the partners can be filled with resentment and develop a prickly attitude if the labour is not divided. From cleaning up laundry, washing utensils, and sweeping the lawn to cooking, repairing and paying bills- this list is endless. However, some things may or may not work out in a partnership, but why not give it a try?

8. How To Tackle Additional Financial Expenses?

Post Baby finances are something partners need to discuss and plan beforehand. Be it your savings or spending on a monthly basis, everything will get affected. Either you and your partner both contribute and start saving for their education and future, or one can take charge of it singlehandedly. From medical expenses and admission fees to getting them registered for extracurricular activities, there is nothing that you can leave on fate or luck. Further, you need to arrange for higher education courses as well. Prepare yourself better so that there is no dent in your bank account.

9. How Do We Feel About The Food Habits Of A Child?

You can be a meat lover and your husband is vegetarian or may be vegan, then we need to understand how it will influence your child's diet. You and your partner's opinions matter in this regard. Whether you want store-bought items or you want to prepare every meal for your child, will depend on how you work as one unit. You and your partner need to make it clear to each other where they stand on an individual level and then discuss the pros and cons of certain food items.

10. Who Will Stay At Home When The Kid(s) Fall Ill?

Not all issues can be pre-planned and dealt with effectively but it can certainly bring clarity between you and your partner. This issue is easily solved when you are living in a joint family, but when residing in a nuclear family, this is something that demands attention. Even if your parents or grandparents are at home, a second help always comes in handy. Instead of taking the load of handling the child ll by yourself when they are sick, you can ask your partner to chip in and divide the responsibility.