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How You Can Bring Back The Spark In Your Sex Life

Whether it is a romantic relationship or married life, sex helps in bringing the couples closer to each other. Sex can also have reactions like dissatisfaction, frustration and anxiety. This can cause stress to the couples and they may feel disconnected with their partners. However, whether or not the problem is big, couples can always do things to have their sex life back on track.

Below are some tips that can help you to bring back the excitement and pleasure that you had earlier in your relationship.

1. Communicating With Your Partner

Even under the best circumstances, some people feel uncomfortable talking about sex. This can bring problems in their sex life. When couples go through sexual issues in their relationship they might have a feeling of shame, resentment and guilt. This can further lead to absence of conversation. But when you and your partner sit together and communicate with each other about the problems in your sex life, you can find out ways to tackle them. Also, this can strengthen your emotional bond.

2. Asking 'What You Like'

Jane Greer, a psychotherapist and sex expert in New York, said in her book 'What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship', "It is always better to ask your partner what they like and about the changes they might have noticed in your sexual relationship."

You can always ask your partner if your sexual intercourse was energetic and exciting or not. You can also ask what they like while you have sex or when your sex life was a happy one.[1]

3. Discussing What Is Coming In Between

If you feel something or someone is coming in between you and your partner, it is better to discuss it than making guesses. It can be anything. For example, your partner might be going through a physical or emotional problem. Now the problem can vary from hot flashes to work stress.

When both of you discuss the problem, you will be able to sort the problem.

4. Avoiding Criticism

Even when you know your partner is not doing things like before, you must not convey this to your partner in a negative tone. Instead of saying, 'why don't you do XYZ any more' or 'I don't like the way you do XYZ', you can say, 'honey, I think we are not doing XYZ these days' or 'we can bring back our old ways of doing XYZ'. This won't sound humiliating and criticising. Moreover, this will sound like both of you are equally responsible.

Also Read: How Negative Emotions Affect The Sex Life Of Couples

5. Trying Out New Things

Mayla Green, sex coach of, told Bustle, "Why does the sex life decline in the first place? It's because we get comfortable settled into a regular routine."

She suggests a couple can try out new things in bed or can try making love in a different bedroom or by changing the interior of their own bedroom. She further says, "It's amazing how something as simple as a change of setting creates a feeling of excitement." [1]

Moreover, you along with your partner can decide for role-playing, decorating the room or having some light music while lovemaking.

Also Read: How Cuddling Can Help Couples To Rekindle Their Romantic Relationship

6. Being Honest

Sometimes you might think of not hurting your partner and therefore, you might fake an orgasm. Or you might assume everything is still fine even if it is not. You might take it as a way to keep problems out of your relationship. But you are actually making things worse for your relationship.

Initially, this can help you in saving your relationship but when the problem persists for a long time, you will feel unable to hold on any more. The difficulty level of your sex life might sky-rocket and hurt your partner when he/she learns the truth.

7. Focusing On Future

If your sex life is not what it used to be, you should look for ways to avoid further problems. Instead of regretting how boring your sex life has become or it is not the same as it used to be, you can think about what you can do to make your sex life a happy one in coming future.

Green says, couples can talk, ''I feel like we could improve our sex life by trying new things together." The best time to have this conversation is when you both are in a happy mood but not when you just had sex.

These little things can help you in bringing back the lost spark in your sex life. Having a proper conversation and putting constant efforts can help in increasing the intimacy between you and your partner.

View Article References
  1. [1] Weiss S. (N Date). How To Overcome Intimacy Issues In Your Relationship If The Sex Isn’t What It Used To Be. Bustle. Retrieved from on 16 August 2019