Learning To Trust Again After A Breakup

Monday, August 27, 2012, 14:06 [IST]

The first thing we say after a particularly ugly breakup is 'never again'. May you forgive that instinctive denial to fall in love and try to move on after a break up. But, can you trust your new partner at once? Our past experiences always scare us and that is why learning to trust someone again is not that easy. When we have had a bad breakup and been hurt once, we are very reluctant to open ourselves all over again.

But trust in a relationship is the only ingredient that makes it successful. If you want to move on in life, you have to learn to trust again. Here is how you should start.

Are you ready: It is possible for you to put your faith in someone immediately. Don't push yourself. Give yourself enough time after a breakup. Never jump from one relationship to another because it will probably be a rebound relationship and not go too far. When you feel ready to trust again, give it a shot.

Take baby steps: As they say, once bitten twice shy; you will take more time to trust anyone after a break because you have been betrayed once. Do not be cross with yourself for going slow. Even your new partner should understand and appreciate this. You cannot tell him or her the deepest secrets about yourself in a month! It will and should take time.

Learn from your mistakes: Just because you are learning to trust again doesn't mean you should go blind. Learn from your previous mistakes. Judge whether your new partner is trustworthy. Do not fly away on the emotional wings. Hold back your darkest secrets until there is enough trust in your relationship.

Don't do math: When we try to fall in love after a break up, we do a tremendous amount of emotional calculation. We try to calculate the amount of 'hurt' that we might get if we invest 'x' amount of emotions in a person. Trust is a naturally developing bond. You cannot develop it by doing math with emotions. So stop contemplating and allow the relationship to blossom on its own.

Stop being defensive: When we are hurt, we shut everyone out. When you have decided to move on after a breakup, the hurt and humiliation is still inside you. You are putting up a brave face for the people around you but you have shut out everyone from within. You cannot start a new relationship like this. First admit to yourself that you are scared to trust again. Only then will you start healing completely.

These are some of the ways to learn to trust someone again after an ugly breakup. Have you been second time lucky?