Victim Complex In Relationships: 9 Warning Signs And How To Deal With Them

Being a victim doesn't necessarily mean that they have gone through some kind of assault or a victim of a crime. Victim mentality or victim complex is entirely different from being a victim. Well, playing victim is something that many of us may have done without even realizing it, but sometimes it can be deal breakers, especially when you are in a romantic relationship.

When it comes to dating, the norm or the template that most of us follow is to find someone honest, trustworthy, calm so that there can be stability in your future relationships, if you are planning to take it forward. So, the last thing that you will want is to be with someone who always plays a victim.

What Is Victim Complex?

Psychologists say that the personality trait that leads people to believe they are perpetually being victimized by the harmful actions of others, for no fault of their own - even if evidence suggesting otherwise is presented to them - is called the 'victim complex,' or 'victim mentality'.

However, not everyone who has been through repetitive negative or traumatic situations develop victim complex, but how people react to adversity varies from person to person.

Dating Someone With A Victim Complex? 9 Warning Signs

1. Every Conversation Is About Them Always

People with a victim complex are so absorbed in their own thoughts, struggles and life experiences that they are not able to understand, empathize or acknowledge when the other partner is going through a difficult time. This results in a relationship that we know as one-sided. Therefore, if a partner tries to explain their situation, the victim will not allow or give them the space where their partner can express themselves.

2. Never Willing To Let Go Of A Situation

Holding a grudge and never letting go of a situation can harm the overall well being of a person. This will also deprive one of the opportunity to handle future situations in a better manner. A person with a victim complex will never contemplate how their actions can hurt others too. Health experts say that they also go to an extent of wanting or harboring ill for a person who has hurt them in the past and see them punished for their actions. Peace, gratitude and acceptance is not something that they try to focus on.

3. Focussing On Negative Situations

People with a victim complex usually dwell on bad times or negative situations that they have experienced in the past. Instead of doing or thinking about something positive or productive, they keep replaying old bad memories that create further stress and hurt in their lives. Therefore, the unhealthy thought pattern is something they get trapped into and due to this they deprive themselves of happy moments that may lie ahead.

4. Accountability Is Rarely Considered

Instead of focussing on their faults, they will always find a way to reflect on how they have been wronged by others. It can happen in a personal and professional setup as well. Be it having a conflict with their partner or receiving feedback at work; they can never see anything productive. How they negatively contribute to a situation is something they never want to consider. Hurt or pain is something that is always inflicted on them.

5. Blaming Others For Their Mistakes

They will even make excuses and slip through a situation when confronted, but a person with a victim complex will never take responsibility when things go wrong. They easily portray themselves as someone who is helpless, hurt and ill treated. It is only them who have best intentions for others and everyone else around them are vindictive and full of malice. This happens when they keep retelling the stories from their past and never accept their fault.

6. Fixated On A Point Or Opinion

Even though they picture life in two colours- black and white, the reality is they tend to leave out the grey areas. Therefore, for them a person is either completely right or entirely wrong. Understanding what lies in between or seeing a person from a different perspective is something they find difficult to see and hence they choose to ignore. A person who plays a victim will believe that they are the only one who is an epitome of purity and righteousness, while others are pure evil or a bad person.

7. Fault Is Never Theirs

People with a victim complex usually stay in the cycle of victimhood because they believe that everything will go wrong for them no matter what. Also, no matter what the situation is, the fault always lies with the other person. So, in a relationship if it is a breakup, in their mind, the fault will be their partner's. They can go on and on about how they were mistreated and even complain endlessly if need be to paint a helpless image of themselves in front of others.

8. They Are Highly Judgemental

A study reveals that people who play the victim have seen to be highly judgemental about people or situations. They believe that nothing can create or make a difference in their lives. They believe everything that has happened to them is unjust and they keep looking for anything that speaks unjust to them. This behavior further leads to suspicion, mistrust, egoism in relationship with self and others. Even if in reality a situation is socially equivocal, a person with a victim complex will see it as negative and will never see the upsides under any circumstances.

9. Looking For A Solution Is A Far Fetched Thought

Talking about problems is something they are never tired of but when it comes to finding a solution, they show no interest or enthusiasm. They like to believe that they have no control over their situations and that even if they put effort, circumstances will not change for them. What they do not like is to get the victim narrative spoiled, which is like a cocoon, and they feel so comfortable that they do not want to come out of them. It is also important for them to let others know how they were always taken advantage of or exploited in all situations.