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7 Tell Tale Signs That You Are Undergoing Gaslighting

If you have seen the American psychological film 'Gaslight' (1944), you agree how the movie revolves around the life of a woman whose husband gaslights her to believe she's insane. If you are wondering what gaslighting is all about then this is a phenomenon wherein a person manipulates you to doubt your existence and identity. Not only this, the abuser will make you doubt your opinions, thoughts, judgements and emotions. You tend to believe that you are actually insane and people around you are suffering because of you.

Gaslighting generally happens in an abusive relationship or marriage. Often there are times when the victim may not understand if he/she is undergoing gaslighting. This is because they could be deeply in love with their significant other or they think that their partner won't harm them in any manner. One of the other reasons could be that the abuser gaslights you in such a subtle way that you may not doubt his/her intentions. In fact, you may question your sanity and thoughts.

But there are some signs that would help you in knowing if someone is gaslighting you. In order to know what those signs could be, read on.

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1. The Person Blames You For Things That Go Wrong

One of the most subtle signs of gaslighting is that the abuser often blames you for things that go unexpected. Even though you don't do anything, the abuser shifts the entire blame on you in a neat and clever way. In fact, when you ask for the wrongdoings of that person, he/she will lie and blame you by saying things such as, "there's no such things, you are just making up the things" or "you get paranoid about everything that I do".

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2. The Person Makes You Feel Stupid

Your partner or the one who gaslights you make you feel stupid and wrong. You often feel that you are good for nothing and whatever you do is stupid and useless. This is because the gaslighter feeds on your self-confidence. The person will often make you feel insane and stupid in a subtle and clever manner.

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3. You Are Held Responsible For Their Faults

If you are wondering what else the gaslighter does, then you need to know that the person will often hold you responsible for their faults. For example, if the person fails in any test or isn't able to focus on his/her work, then instead of accepting their mistakes the person will shift the blame on you. The person may say, "just because of you I am not able to give my best at my workplace" or "you always spoil my mood".

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4. He/She Often Twists The Conversation

Someone who is a gaslighter, will always try his/her besto to twist the conversation. If you try to discuss something that happened in the past, the person would try to change the discussion. he/she would turn the conversation in his/her favour and would portray themselves as a perfect and innocent person. The person may also narrate stories of times when you did something wrong and extremely stupid to make you feel inferior.

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5. The Person Never Says The Truth To You

This is another telltale sign that a person is gaslighting you. He/she would never stay honest to you. It would be no wrong to say that a gaslighter is a habitual liar and would never hesitate from lying to you. Even if you know the entire truth, the person would blatantly lie to your face and wouldn't care about clarifying the truth. They would tell lies in a quite convincing manner.

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6. You Often Feel Confused

If a person around you often says things that cause confusion to you regarding your own existence, judgements or opinions, then this could be a red flag. The person might be trying to gaslight you at any cost. For example, the person would at times care for you like anything and on the other hand he/she would say or do things that would hurt you. In simpler words, the person would exhibit a carrot-stick behaviour to you.

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7. He/She Makes You Feel Least Important

The gaslighter will never give you the importance that you deserve. He/she would often make you feel insignificant and least wanted. You would feel that you do not play a good or important role in people's life. The person would also treat you as if he/she no more wants you in his/her life. You will feel vulnerable and disappointed from your life as you feel unwanted and disrespected.

If you identify any of the above-mentioned signs then it is important that you seek help from a professional or someone who genuinely cares for you. Moreover, you need to grow into a stronger and confident person to overcome this gaslighting.

Story first published: Friday, January 8, 2021, 18:30 [IST]