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'Why is dating so hard?' Research tells us that the idea of perfect love and a partner which we come across on TV, Films raises expectations in real life and when we find anything that is less than perfect, we break up with that person and tend to move on very quickly.
Data shows that nearly half of Americans think dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago.1 Some reasons include more physical and emotional risk, technology, it being harder to meet people, and shifting societal expectations, according to a study done by Pew Research Centre.
The anxiety and fear were so high that a dating app called Match coined the term FODA (Fear of Dating Again). Even though dating can be a wild thing for some, for others it can be a nightmare, especially for people who are shy or introverts.
While dating is difficult in itself, it can be worse for introverts, especially people who are shy. People who are shy develop anxiety or feel awkward whenever there is social interaction. Shyness is something that is not limited to one culture or county.
What Is Shyness?
According to American Psychological Association, 'Shyness can be defined as the presence of anxious reactions and excessive self-consciousness and negative self-evaluation in response to real or imagined social interactions. Specifically, these experiences must occur to the degree that it produces enough discomfort to interfere with and inhibit one's ability to perform successfully in social situations.'
Shyness can be extremely frustrating for an individual and their partner because it doesn't allow them to open up, causing distress in a relationship.
If you are in a relationship, then it demands a lot of communication. Therefore, being shy can create distance between you and your partner. Staying alone and never coming out of your comfort zone and diverting questions that are thrown at you can have a negative impact, so much so that it can be a deal breaker.
If you are shy, you may be flooded with numerous questions like 'Why am I shy?', 'Why don't I stop being shy around my partner?', 'how to deal with shyness around my partner?' Well, we have got you covered, and have listed 11 confident ways to deal with your shyness. Read on!
1. Understand The Deep Rooted Cause
You can either wait for things to happen or take charge of your life and make it happen for yourself. Identify the reasons that cause social awkwardness or anxiety for you. It can be genetics, life experiences and childhood environment that have contributed to this personality trait.
2. Bookmark The Trigger Points
If you are preferring your own company over others, that doesn't mean you are shy. There can be numerous reasons that can trigger certain emotions. It can be anything from feeling uncomfortable around new people to being conscious of a new environment. Prepare yourself for something new, this will let you evolve on an individual level as well.
3. Explore Your Strengths, Understand Your Weaknesses
Staying at home and avoiding people, even your partner is not a good idea, especially if you are planning to go for a long-term relationship. You may fear to open up even when you want to. Why not take a step for yourself and explore new areas, get some new resources and gel with people from other communities? This will slowly subside the feeling of anxiety, insecurity and even self-doubt.
4. Be Ready For Tough Situations
Stop thinking of all new situations as threats. You can shift the focus on your strengths when asked about yourself, instead of informing people about your shyness. You can customise your plans for each situation and that way you can get rid of your anxiety. This will boost your confidence and make new situations much more comfortable for you.
5. Turn Your Crisis Into Oppportunity
Have you ever thought that shyness can be a virtue? Well, think about it! Not exploring too many areas or dating random people can expose you to possible threats and also compromise your safety. And a little caution never hurts! Instead of wasting time on something or someone, you can be creative and focus on your skills and hobbies. It can be a small step towards overcoming social awkwardness. Above all it will give you a good dose of self-worth.
6. Learn From Others' Experiences
Well, believe it or not, you are not the only one who is stressed about being shy in a relationship. Do some research and you will understand how many people are going through similar problems. If you just have access to the internet you can get ample of info and learn about the experiences of other people and how they have dealt with similar issues. This will keep the feeling of loneliness at bay and give you a chance to initiate a conversation whenever there is a discussion regarding a similar topic.
7. Non-Verbal Communication Can Come In Handy
You don't need to always speak to express your feelings to your partner or to communicate even the simplest of things. For people who are shy, being comfortable holds the utmost importance. Create boundaries in non verbal communication so that your partner understands your comfort zone when you are around a group of friends or people in general. This can deepen your bond with your partner as well.
8. Creating A Comfortable Environment Around You
If you want to be in an environment that is comfortable enough for you, then you need to discuss your needs with your partner and communicate properly to make that happen. You need to understand your goals and give yourself chance to evolve in the relationship. Do not be overwhelmed by fear and dismantle your plans. Stop thinking that you will be judged by people for the way you are, and keep yourself on the top of your priority list.
9. Practice Mindfulness In Conversations
If casual conversations with your partner appear to be nerve-wracking for you, then you are definitely shy. The fear of speaking on a particular topic and getting judged for that is so high that you prefer to stay silent, end up nodding or start asking questions so that you can escape the anxiety of answering something and sharing information. This can create an obstacle if your partner wants to know you better.
10. Be Yourself
There is no substitute for being genuine. Putting a mask of confidence just to be with your partner or anyone for that matter will not help. Not everyone can fake their emotions and it will not solve your issue in the long term. If you pretend in front of others and become dishonest with your own emotions, it will make your anxiety and stress worse. Participate in a conversation when you are honest with yourself and through this, you can keep white lies at bay.
11. Talking To A Therapist
Even though Shyness is not a health condition but it can create unwanted issues in your relationships and life. If your all efforts have failed despite getting help from your partner, friends and family members, then it is high time to get professional help and consult a therapist. Remember that identifying the causes will help you manage your problem better. They can also help and guide you regarding methods and strategies so that you can easily navigate your way into social interactions. This will help you to reframe your thoughts as well.
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