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How To Stop Siblings Quarrel With Each Other

By Sruthi Appu

Are you fed up of stopping or pulling off your kids from their fights? Any parent will have a real tough time stopping their kids from brawling with each other.

They try several techniques like punishing them, scolding them, literally pulling them apart etc to stop these fights, but if the end result, of these hard trials would go in vain then the parents end up hurt.

Every parent dreams of a harmonious relationship among their kids. They put their soul and heart to achieve it. Although they try so much to stop these fights, have they ever thought of trying positive things to assist their children, get along well with each other? Of course siblings love each other, but at times they start with petty fights and land in a big one that would worry any parent.

Hence, the concentration of any parent in order to stop their kids from quarreling with each other should be, in aiding them with different techniques to get along better with each other.

Laurie Kramer, a University of Illinois professor of applied family studies, says, "Even if you're successful at reducing conflict and antagonism, research suggests that you'll probably be left with little positive interaction between siblings.Do you really want your kids to head for their rooms and spend time mainly on their own interests and with their own friends?"

She sates that parents should fore-see their kid's

relationship with his or her sibling, both in the present and in the future. They should not be fighting with their siblings life long, hence what the parents nurture their kids with, in the child hood days play a vital role in shaping, their love, care and support for their sibling in future too, in short when they are in their adult hood.

Rather than pulling them apart or asking them not to talk to each other, try things like arranging family games, outing, making them work together to achieve something etc. Karmer said, "Most parents would like for their kids to be able to talk with each other, have fun together, and be a source of support for each other during stressful times in their lives."

She suggested that by following some simple ways parents can help their children grow better in harmony.

Empathy : Teach your children how to be empathetic. How to think from their siblings' point of view and act.

Controlling Emotions : Help them by providing guidelines to control their emotions and behave in a composed manner when they are frustrated.

Un – Biased : Guide them in a way not to interpret or never assume things the way they want. Teach them to not interpret others actions and act with predictions in their head. Tell them that assume means, 'Ass Of Me And U'.

Solution : Tell them that any problem can be solved. Teach them how well he or she can find solutions to their fights with little time and patience. Hence tell them not to waste time in fighting rather sit down and seek solutions.

Impartial : Favouritism towards one child can create conflict among children. Hence never be partial to your kids, always fulfill their needs without showing partiality.

Strengthen The Bond : Teach your children how ones strength can be used to polish their sibling's weakness. Hence show them how to co – operate and act, rather trying to take advantage of the weakness.

Mutual Fun : Arrange mutual fun sessions, conversations, games etc to strengthen their bond.

Praise : 'Praise' being a parent you should never forget this word. Praise your kids when they help each other or when they do something for their sibling. Constant praise on their good deeds can boost their spirits and bond.

Kramer said, "If you love the idea of your kids just having fun together, schedule more family activities and help to make that happen. If you do have big problems with fighting among your kids, help them learn and practice strategies for solving problems and managing conflicts."

"Problems have solutions, and there's a logical process that you go through to achieve consensus. Make sure both siblings understand what the fight is about, have them practice telling their own viewpoint and taking the other person's perspective, then help them to brainstorm different ways of solving the problem that have a win-win solution. If the solution doesn't work, well, you try again," she adds.

Hence rather stopping their fights using your muscle power, try your mind power to over power your kids' conflicts.

Story first published: Thursday, July 22, 2010, 11:59 [IST]
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