What Clicks Between Strangers?

By Suparna Chakaraborthy

Monday, August 30, 2010, 15:19

Everyday we meet many strangers in our day to day life but there are only few with whom who strike an instant rapport. You trust and depend on that person without even know him/her quite well. Many may think it to a coincidence but there are few reasons which bring on the 'click'.

The factors which lead to the 'click' between two strangers has been discovered in the new book, 'Click, The Magic Of Instant Connections' by Rom and Ori Brafman.

''We've discovered that there are five factors involved in a click that show up time after time across different contexts. They are vulnerability, proximity, resonance, similarity and environment," said Ori.

Vulnerability

For the first time when strangers strike a conversation,if there is a honesty in their words, the door to a nice friendship opens up. Honesty is something which makes it's presence felt. Honesty is always respected and thus brings on a thrust for each other.

On a socially acceptable level, ''allowing yourself to be vulnerable helps the other person to trust you, precisely because you are putting yourself at an emotional, psychological, or physical risk. When you're both candid in revealing who you are, you create an environment that can lead to an instant connection - a click," said Ori.

Proximity

The discovery of the fact between strangers, that they stay close by, strikes an instant connection. Studies have found that genuine cheek-by-jowl proximity is more likely to result in genuine rapport.

Living in the close proximity, develops a sense of trust and belonging. This works wonders in creating a relationship. So if you want to engineer a click, make sure you're as close as you can get.

Resonance

For a true click to take place, when both the strangers experience ''resonance''. It is comfort one feels in the presence of the other. When you feel comfortable in your skin even in the presence of the stranger, the right cord of relation strikes.

One study found we're 30 times more likely to laugh at a joke in the presence of others than if we hear it when we're alone. “Resonance is contagious," said Ori.

Similarity

This point rubbishes the fact ''opposites attract'' stuff. As for strangers, when two people find they are similar to each other, they tend to draw closer. Similar traits helps in building up a rapport and connection. A genuine click won''t happen without similarity.

We're designed, say the authors, to seek out our ''in group'' - the people who are most like us.

“Our immediate or extended family is an in-group. We tend to perceive in-group members in a more favourable light. This drive is so deeply ingrained that even casual conversations that reveal similarities naturally trigger the in-group response," says Ori.

That's why we tend to share likes and dislikes so readily in small talk; it's a way of weeding through potential group members.

Environment

A true click between strangers is the one which leads to marriage, friendships that last for decades or a great working partnership. This is possible when they are from or in the same environment.

Stories of disgruntled passengers banding together, disaster survivors staying in touch or workers joining together to take on a terrible boss are commonplace.

That's because, according to the Brafmans, shared adversity is more likely to create a deep rapport.

“How many times have you reached out to another person by complaining about work, the weather or the economy - an overture that may have ultimately led to a friendship or deeper relationship? A growing body of research suggests that the greater the intensity of the adversity, the stronger the bond established," said Ori.

“Clicking can be defined as an immediate, deep and meaningful connection with another person. It brings about a unique, almost euphoric state, and permanently alters the fundamental nature of the relationship.'' said Ori.