Adjustment Period In Marriage: How To Deal With It?

Marriage And Beyond

oi-Anwesha Barari

By Anwesha Barari

Thursday, August 4, 2011, 16:33

The adjustment period of marriage is the crucial litmus test of a relationship. Many marriages break up during this stage of marriage. This is because most young people do not understand the value of adjustment in marriage. Just like a child grows up in phases, life after marriage too develops in phases. Every phase of marriage has to be dealt with in a different way. The adjustment period by far is the most difficult stage of marriage but once you get past it, life after marriage unfold as a beautiful symphony.

The Duration of Adjustment in Marriage Phase:
It will begin right after your honeymoon ends and you start living together under the same roof as man and wife. This phase of adjustment in marriage may last for one year or a couple of years. But even after 3 years of marriage if you feel that the adjustment phase is not over, then it is something to worry about. May be you are not spending enough time together.

The Salient Features of the Adjustment Period:
This is by far the most tumultuous stage of marriage. This is probably because you actually see each other as normal people and not as sweethearts.

• All the minor, irrelevant defects of your spouse strike you as serious offenses.
• Tempers will soar, voices will be raised and tears will be shed. Nothing in this phase of marriage is casual. Even a tiff over who uses the bathroom first will be an intense affair.
• You will tend to miss your life before marriage, your parents and your friends. As the grass is always greener on the other side, marriage itself will seem like a terrible mistake.
• Your nerves will be at their edge and you will jump at the small frailties of your partner's nature. If you are a woman, you might feel an unrelenting urge to cry all the time in this stage of marriage.
• Your egos will clash like the clash of the Titans. You will be surprised to know that you are capable of being so ego-centric.

How To Adjust To Adjustment in Marriage Phase?

• The first thing to is to consider that your spouse is going through the same things that you are. That should soften your heart towards them.
• In a marriage the entity called 'ego' has to be kept aside. This is a game that two play and both win. Stop thinking of your partner as 'external' to you. You two are now sailing in the same boat; any imbalance from either side will sink the boat. This understanding in marriage will go a long way in consolidating your relationship.
• No matter how much or how seriously you fight, you must make up before you go to sleep. Don't carry a grudge to the next day. This is really works!