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Why You Should Not Try To Change Your Partner’s Personality

Changing a person is easy in his formative years but once he grows up to be a full-fledged adult with his own preferences and likings, the very purpose of changing him is defeated. Every one of us is a package, a product of our circumstances and decisions, that comes with a need to be accepted as is and not forcibly change over to something that he is not comfortable with. We can't really change the stripes we are born with. Genetics and environment of course do play a major role.

During those initial dating stages, your partner was not just a human being, a perfect one at that. A few of his irritating habits looked at the best, funny, but tolerable. They romanced you just the way you liked it, and hence you were sure, he could obviously not go wrong with the rest of the things. Once domesticity settled in, after years have passed after you walked up the altar, you find the same endearing quirks, looming large, and genuinely beyond what you can really tolerate.

First of all, remember that trying to impress another is one. And trying to express yourself as you are is another. Trying to see your partner in the kind of shoes that you love him to be in, would be an impractical and absurd idea simply because he is not comfortable in someone else's shoes. If your partner likes you or at least accepts you for what you are, then you have found a genuinely suitable partner. Not accepting things as they are and refusing to go with the flow indicates a lack of maturity on your part, Moreover, It is best to change ourselves first than to change others because the world changes the moment it sees a change in you. Encourage them to grow within their own limits, in their own pace, and help them bloom into someone better, in the way he was meant to be and perfect as per his own yardstick. Changing is impossible for anyone in adulthood.

It is at the same time, natural to change during different stages of life, but that should not be forced. It should be spontaneous. If you are non-adjustable with the first partner, then you will not be very different from another partner. Immaturity has to be tackled and not the partner in your life.

We have curated some reasons why it is unfair to change your partner's personality.

Don't change your partner positive changes come over a person only with the gradual passing of time. Here are some reasons why people are forced to change their partners.

  • Sensitive Topics: There can be some areas that you and your partner can be extremely sensitive about. Therefore, if you both have different political and religious stances, then it is best to sweep the topic under the rug. Your varying religious beliefs can only bring on turmoil especially if you are trying to change your partner.
  • Leaving City Or Workplace: If you love to change the area where you lived, but your partner disagrees due to family or work attachments, the scenario is not likely to change soon. There can be attachments that are not easy to get rid of.
  • Disagreements about family planning: One of you wants three to four kids but the other wants just a kid or no kid this can spiral into a serious disagreement.
  • Family And Friends: You may feel a bit possessive about your partner but that doesn't mean that you expect your partner to drift away from his/her friends or family and devote all his time to you. If you believe that they will mature over time, then it can put stress on your relationship.
  • Mental health issues: If your partner is suffering from mental health issues, then medications and therapy are the only way. This is a very sensitive issue and there is nothing that you can do about it.

What are the damages that can occur while trying to change your partner?

If you respect him, you will accept him. If you see jarring peculiarities in his personality that do not agree with yours, then it means you have scant disregard or no regard. Caring for each other's well-being and safety is important as it builds trust, appreciation and understanding.
Certain habits like smoking or overeating cannot be changed as the partner would have gotten used to it. Their confidence would be ruined if you do not respect and accept them as they are.

None of us is perfect and we need to grow in many areas, where we lack improvement. If you helping your partner grow into a better person, then changing them would be a welcome idea. For example, your partner needs to change if he or she has offensive and dirty habits. If you are consistently giving hints to your partner that you do not like them for what they are at present, you are clearly telling them they are not good enough for you. This might widen the emotional chasm between the two of you.

Story first published: Monday, November 28, 2022, 21:14 [IST]
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