Are You A People Pleaser? How To Deal With It In Relationships Without Losing Yourself

Being kind, sensitive or empathic towards someone is good and is a trait someone must value and be proud of; but keeping others' needs at the forefront and making yours take a backseat can have a negative impact. Switching your actions depending on how other people see you can result in an identity crisis. Not only it will create unnecessary stress on yourself, but it will also ruin your relationships.

Want to get rid of this vicious cycle? Be true to yourself and attend to your own needs first. Here's what you need to know if you are a people pleaser and want to fix your relationship without losing yourself.

Are You A People Pleaser?

The term 'people pleaser' refers to a person who has a strong urge to please others, even if happens at their own expense. To others, they come across as thoughtful, caring and empathetic individuals. They try really hard to make others happy and are also ready to take the blame for something that has nothing to do with them. Through this, they seek the approval of their partners to maintain their relationships. This trait is also associated with 'sociotrophy'.

Even though individuals with people-pleasing behaviour possess positive traits, when it spirals out of control, it can hint at low self-worth, poor self-image, the tendency to overachieve or the necessity to take control.

There are certain traits that are associated with individuals who have people-pleasing behaviours:

• They have trouble saying no to others and agree to everything or everyone even if they do not like or approve of something or someone.
• They apologize for incidents or situations that are not their fault and they are not part of in any way.
• They tend to sacrifice or neglect their desires or needs to help others.
• They have low self-esteem and get easily affected by how other people perceive them.
• They take the blame for things that are not even their fault.
• They are sceptical of turning people down fearing that they will be seen as mean and selfish.
• They tend to shift or change their behaviour who is around them so that they can tune in to others' feelings.

Due to these traits and behaviours, people pleasers lose the self of self and built up negative quality traits over a period of time. They dedicate most of their time to others and therefore, they have hardly any time left to understand or process their own emotions, feelings or needs. Due to this they are mostly emotionally burned out. They find it difficult to express resentment when it builds up and therefore, it leads to frustration and passive-aggressive behaviour. Due to constant stress, they find it extremely difficult to relax. Also, trying to accommodate everyone and everything in their lives, make them lose their authenticity, depletes their energy and makes their relationships weak.

How To Deal With People Pleasing Behaviour In Relationships

1. Take Small Steps

Sudden changes can be overwhelming, so take baby steps. While sometimes you may have to control yourself, at other times you have to make people aware of your feelings and limits. You can start by expressing your emotions, voicing your opinions and being vocal about your needs.

2. Draw Boundaries

Knowing your limits will help you draw them effectively. This will help you to regain control over your life. Be specific about your ideas. If someone is asking too much from you, politely deny them and tell them how much you are willing to take on.

3. Don't Make Excuses

Be direct if you are planning to say 'no' to someone or something. Do not make unnecessary excuses or give unneeded reasons every time. If you are not willing to participate in something, be decisive and make it clear to your partner or a group of people around you.

4. Relationship Is Not A One-Way Road

It is essential that you and your partner are reciprocating each other's feelings and needs. This promotes healthy relationships. If one partner is constantly giving and the other partner is always taking, then make sure they put some effort to give you something in return.

5. Set Your Priorities Straight

Once you set your priorities straight, it is easier to achieve the goals. Also, this will let you figure out when you have the time or energy to invest in anyone or anything. If you are not comfortable doing something, then ignore it and find something that you are willing to do.

6. Think Before You Act

You do not have to attend to all the requests made to you. Take your time to process them and act accordingly. You can ask yourself if this is something that you are really looking forward to doing now, or how much time and energy will it consume, and then you can let people know your decision. You can always stall the request or say no to it if it doesn't interest you.

7. Spend Time With Yourself

Do not postpone or neglect your feelings, process them to understand the root of your problems. Remind yourself of the value of self-worth and that like others you too need and deserve love, care, respect, trust and time for yourself. Do things that make you happy and feel good. Refrain from things that you do not like.

8. Be Authentic To Self And Others

Being kind, caring and sensitive are the qualities that make a relationship strong, but it is essential that you understand the intention behind your actions always. Do not seek the approval of others or fear rejection, be true to yourself. This will not only make things better for you, but also for another person.