Fear of intimacy is common and understandable, but if one possesses the inability to overcome such fear, he/she might land up wrecking the personal relationships he/she has.
Fear of intimacy basically is the fear of being or getting close to anyone. It affects relationships to a large extent. It often is triggered by positive emotions than negative ones. It might be surprising but the real fear of intimacy doesn't come from partners but from the enemy that is lurking inside a person with such fear.
The only problem is that the positive way a lover sees us clashes with the negative ways we view ourselves.
Let's see the reasons behind the fear of intimacy:
1. You Were Heartbroken
Fear of intimacy comes into the picture if one's past relationships didn't work out well. In order to avoid further moments of heart shattering to pieces, people start avoiding intimacy. The conscious and subconscious mind protects you from breaking. This makes you very self-conscious when you get close to another. This creates fear of intimacy.
2. You Never Had Any Role Models
At times, when a child since childhood doesn't see his/her parents getting intimate, he never understands the importance of intimacy. This later in life also creates the fear of intimacy. You feel awkward and uncomfortable and thus the fear of being intimate grows inside.
3. You Have Low Self-esteem
You are struggling with feelings like low self-esteem or inadequacy of love, or you are not feeling good about anything around you. These are also the causes for having fear of intimacy. If one cannot accept the way he/she is then he for sure cannot accept the love that comes towards him/her.
4. It All Happens In Your Mind
At times, it is our mind that creates the fear of intimacy. There are varied kinds of attachment styles. It majorly depends on the bond between the infant and the primary caregiver.
When we were babies, we expressed our needs mostly by crying or interacting with the primary caregiver or a parent. With passing time we learn whether our needs will be met with warmth and consistency or with negative emotions like anger or irritation, or with inconsistent responses.
Sometimes, our needs are not fulfilled at all. This cycle of expressing and responding to the needs is repeated thousands of times in those first few years of life, while we make powerful connections in our brains and these childhood memories later become the cause of the fear of intimacy.
5. Obsessive Compulsive Disorders
Even OCD can make one person suffer from the fear of intimacy. Some people are afraid of relationships as they have an overall approach that makes relationships extremely anxiety-provoking for them.
Men and women who have OCD or OCD features are often afraid of getting into a relationship because of the uncertainty and lack of control that come with relationships. People with OCD have a very detailed and high "need" structure and they need to feel that their surrounding is extremely controlled and predictable.
The thought of dealing with messed-up emotions and having to share an emotional life, as well as a physical space, is often too much to bear for these people.
These five are the top-most reasons why people suffer from the fear of intimacy. If you are getting involved with a man/woman you believe has a fear of intimacy, talk to him/her about it. Tell him what you believe in and what you see, and do it in a very casual, understandable, and non-judgmental manner.
If you really want to build a long lasting, romantic relationship with him/her, work well, then offer to go to couples' therapy to help him/her.
There is hope for men and women who are afraid of relationships, but they must be disciplined about trying to change themselves for better and be more honest with themselves about how dysfunctional their romantic life has become as a result of their relationship fears and the fear of intimacy.
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