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At some point in your relationship, you would have thrown up your hands and wondered, how to make your man understand you. Men and women have very different approaches to life; most men aren’t as intuitive as women in understanding feelings or reading expressions. So don’t expect a man to instinctively understand what women feel.
A big barrier when thinking of how to make a man understand you is our cultural conditioning as women. We are not supposed to think of our needs too much or complain as women are supposed to be selfless. This puts us and our men in a tight spot – we want them to understand our needs, while they don’t even suspect that there is anything that needs talking about or fixing!
Make no mistake; men are sensitive and emotional too. However, they are wired to have a problem-solution approach towards life, whereas women want their feelings to be acknowledged and understood. So, how to make a man understand you and your feelings? No two men are the same – strategies on how to make your man understand you, could differ. But, here are some ways to get talking about your feelings with your man.
Pick the right moment. Talk to him when he’s not stressed or busy (or caught up in the World Cup). You need his full attention or you will be frustrated. Tell him you need some quiet time together.
Know what to say
Organise your thoughts. Speak in an even tone. Being rational is how to make a man understand you. Say what you feel clearly, and exactly why you feel that way.
If you generalise, he won't understand. Talk about specific situations when you felt he did not understand your feelings. Reiterate why his support is important.
One way how to make a man understand you is to be a good listener. Try to understand how he feels. He will appreciate your interest and return the favour.
If you want to talk about issues in your relationship, be fair. Don't say, "You never", "You always". Don't rake up past quarrels. That's not how to make your man understand you.
Understand his emotional responses
Discuss a situation (financial crisis, loss of job) and ask him how he dealt with it. Then talk about how you would deal with it. This will help you both to appreciate differences.
An effective way how to make your man understand you is to share relationship articles or books. These books address the different attitudes of men and women to emotions.
Another way how to make a man understand you is to write a letter about your feelings to him. This is good especially because an unscripted conversation could turn into an argument.
Don't talk about how another couple have such a warm connection. It will make your partner feel inadequate, and de-motivated. And, know that no relationship is perfect.
Appreciate his efforts
Sometimes, when we're hurt, we shut out the people who love us. Acknowledge your man's attempts to understand your feelings. This will motivate him.
Get professional help
If nothing works and you're stuck on how to make your man understand you, go for counselling; together and separately. They will help you to deal with the problem professionally.
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