Heated Fights Better Remembered

Marriage And Beyond

oi-Staff

By Staff

Friday, February 19, 2010, 16:58

A heated argument, between husband and wife may sound sad but the reality is that these are the events better remembered by them but quite differently according to the status of the relationship.

A new study reveals that the style of attachment that is, how anxious or avoidant the spouse is in relationships, may affect the way they remember.

The study was done on few couples who completed personality assessments and listed their relationship problems during the study.

Each participant completed a questionnaire on how supportive and emotionally distant they themselves felt immediately following the discussions.

Then, they returned to the lab a week later and completed the same questionnaires, recalling the earlier session.

There were also independent observers who watched the discussions and rated the behaviour of each partner according to how supportive, emotionally distant they seemed.

The findings concluded that the way highly anxious and avoidant individuals remember certain events is based on their needs and goals for the relationship.

More avoidant individuals remembered being less supportive the past one week post discussion. On the other hand, less avoidant individuals remembered being more supportive than they initially reported.

"These findings are consistent with the needs and goals of highly avoidant people, who yearn to limit intimacy and maintain control and autonomy in their relationships," said authors.

These findings indicate that what individuals respond to in relationships was contradictory to what was actually said or done during an interaction with their partner. It is likely that what they respond to may be the memories of the interaction.

The findings are published in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science.