What I Learnt From A Bad Relationship: Part 1

Marriage And Beyond

oi-Staff

By Super

Tuesday, May 8, 2012, 12:44

"Divorces, separations and break-ups aren't easy. In fact, most of times, they are extremely painful." It takes a different courage to put the past behind and start life afresh, to pick the pieces of life and press on regardless without losing faith in the institution of marriage.

ShaadiTimes talked to some brave individuals who didn't let divorce do them in.

'The hopeful person sees success where others see failure, Sunshine, where others see shadow and storm.' - Orison Marden

Rekha, Corporate Executive
Rekha, a corporate executive in a large organisation, is happy and single for the past 15 years. Despite two broken marriages behind her, she is at peace with herself. "Such experiences make you much wiser," she maintains.

Marital bliss?

"I was 'married off' in 1974 even though I wasn't ready for marriage. Being turned down a couple of times a match was difficult to come by. So I was compelled to accept the first match that came my way. When the boy's family agreed and the marriage date was decided, my consent was not even considered. The marriage was shaky right from the beginning. I took the constant bickering and disagreements, but when the beatings started, I knew it was time to quit. Thus, my first marriage came to an abrupt end.

After four years, despite reservations, I married a divorcee in a futile attempt to salvage my family reputation. I bore him two children, yet I was treated like a servant in that house. When I found out that he was having another affair, this marriage too came to an end."

A blot on family name
"The failure of my marriages became a blot on my family-name. I made it clear to them that I wanted to live for myself rather than for society. I don't blame anybody for what happened in my life. After my first marriage ended, I would cry the whole day knowing that my family and friends were mocking me. I felt it was the end of the world and I lost the desire to live. In times like these, you really know who your true friends are."

Taking hold of situation
"Both my marriages have left me wiser. If I had stayed on in the relationships in a compromise I wouldn't have been as independent as I am today. I was alone in my grief, but rather than feel sorry for myself, I decided to concentrate on the positive side of life. Why should I destroy my life thinking about people who have caused me nothing but pain? I didn't let the crisis affect my professional aspirations and today, after almost 15 years I'm at the pinnacle of my career. Having a stable income, I'm not dependent on anyone.

Not bitter
"Regardless of all that has happened, I haven't changed as a person. I am still a firm believer in the institution of marriage. I am not averse to a relationship even now, only this time I'll ensure that it is a strong, permanent relationship based on trust and honesty."

Follow your heart
"I would like to tell women in similar situations that they should accept their fate but not let it affect their frame of mind. Try not to be dependent on anyone and pay no attention to other people's taunts, because ultimately it's your own life. Go ahead and follow your heart, take your own decisions. Have guts to face up to the world, stand your ground and have a positive attitude."