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What Is Micro-Cheating And How To Deal With It? Expert Advice By Relationship Counsellor [Exclusive]
As technology advances, so do people. But the sad part is manipulative and toxic people soon find ways to cheat and hoodwink others. In the past few years, we have seen trends that people involved in relationships often find a way to cheat or have affairs outside of the relationship very easily via means of dating apps and online social media sites. A lot of users report that the people they meet online do not always reveal their relationship statuses online.
Many women have reported that they have gone out with married men only to discover later through social media profiles and mutual connections that the said man was in a marriage with children. It is the case with women as well. Some women do not reveal their relationship status online while chatting with a person of romantic interest. But do we blame technology or dating apps? No, the answer is, if a person wants to cheat on their partner, they will eventually find some way or the other to be unfaithful.
However, infidelity means different things for different people. There are many people who do not think physical relationships are a deal breaker, however they will walk out of a relationship if they find their partner being emotionally unavailable or being disrespectful.
In relationships, there are no black and white lines, and everything falls in the grey area. For sure in conventional relationships, having sex outside of a committed relationship or marriage would mean infidelity and ground for divorce. But what about if you are casually meeting a person for drinks or dinner, especially if you are attracted to the person? Experts say, this behaviour is known as 'micro-cheating'. Let us take look at what constitutes micro-cheating.
Boldsky spoke to Prachi Vaish, Clinical Psychologist and Relationship Counsellor, to throw light on the subject. She has some advice for the cheated upon and the one who cheated, as follows:
To The One Cheated Upon -
1.
Don't
try
to
shame
your
partner
into
changing
or
admitting
guilt
by
flinging
accusations
at
their
character.
You
will
only
make
them
more
defensive.
2.
Convey
your
feelings
and
hurt
in
a
systematic
way
and
ask
them
what
led
to
it.
3.
If
they
try
to
put
it
on
you,
acknowledge
that
they
may
have
felt
something
lacking
in
the
relationship
but
that
there
could
have
been
better
choices
than
indulging
in
micro-cheating,
and
discuss
those
choices.
4.
Finally,
discuss
new
boundaries
in
the
relationship
and
the
willingness
to
adhere
to
those
boundaries.
To The One Who Is Cheating -
1.
The
first
step
is
to
make
a
commitment
to
change
behaviour
if
you
really
value
the
relationship.
2.
Therefore
one
needs
to
first
evaluate
the
priority
of
the
primary
relationship.
If
it
seems
"boring"
or
anxiety-provoking
to
think
about
going
back
to
the
relationship
minus
the
external
micro-cheating
connections,
then
you
need
to
take
a
closer
look
at
the
relationship
to
see
if
it
is
over
and
you're
just
dragging
it.
3.
Look
at
your
own
reasons
to
see
why
you're
doing
it.
If
it
is
a
need
for
excitement,
see
if
you
can
derive
excitement
from
other
avenues.
If
it
is
a
need
for
validation
to
uphold
your
self-esteem
then
work
with
a
good
therapist
to
fix
the
self-esteem
issue
from
the
root.
What Is Micro-cheating?
Experts claim that developing behaviour outside of a committed relationship or marriage that amounts to cultivating inappropriate habits is micro-cheating. However, this doesn't mean kissing or having sex with another person. A lot of people believe that forming emotional connections with strangers you meet online or in person, even though you are married or committed, doesn't mean infidelity since it isn't sex. However, experts now believe that the secrecy and betrayal of trust is damaging to a person's psyche.
There are people who seek comfort and emotional support of their exes or friends or strangers constantly whenever they are stuck with a situation. This behaviour is believed to be micro-cheating.
What Are The Signs?
These people also on purpose try to be around the ones they are attracted to. They might even end up spending more time talking or meeting the other person than their partner. They create situations wherein they are constantly interacting with people they are attracted even in a non-sexual manner. They often claim to be emotionally connected more with the other person and create a fantasy of their closeness.
You might see that your partner's social media interactions may have risen suddenly, and you might be asking for more time. They might even be creating an illusion that their relationship is on the rocks, just to seek the emotional support and validation from people they interact with online.
There are several studies suggesting that micro-cheating could very-well in fact lead to full-term affairs. What might seem like a harmless coffee or an innocent Twitter DM chat, could lead to a physical relationship as well. A lot of people might even ignore their partners and try to praise and appreciate the other person like constantly commenting on their social media posts or deleting their texts when their partner is around.
Some people even end up sharing their sexual fantasies and kinks with the other person who is not their partner. A lot of flirtations that are done innocuously could end up for either of the people falling hard for the other person.
Does Micro-Cheating Only Apply To Loyal Couples?
Micro-cheating is not always limited to monogamous relationships. If you are intimately chatting or meeting a person, without telling your partner even if you are in an open or a polyamorous relationship, that amounts to micro-cheating as well.
True, people say that at some point all humans have had a momentary lapse of judgement or perhaps, they feel themselves drifting away from their partner, which is what forces them to find solace in another person.
But there could be serial offenders who do it even if they are in a happy space in their relationship. However, the presence of micro-cheating may not always mean the end of a relationship, but it may head there if the couple does not work on their current relationship.
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