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How To Not Lose Yourself In A Relationship?

By Vamini Bhatia

We often hear people talk about how love is such a beautiful feeling. But do we ever talk about the painful side of a relationship? And we don't mean the mere resentful feeling one has during a fight with their significant other. We mean pain. Pain when you start loving someone and forget to love yourself. It's not easy for everyone to pinpoint exactly where they started losing themselves in a relationship, but if you've begun to think you're losing your identity, it's time to do something, and now.

It's all fun and games at the beginning of the relationship. We portray the best of us, and assume the worst side of us would probably never see the light of day. Delusion. We all have our demons we're trying to hide. But if and when unleashed, we end up blaming our significant other. The blame game does not end until one of you decides to pull up your socks and make a change.

It's okay to fantasize. It's okay to spend some time at work staring at your computer daydreaming about the designer lehenga you would wear at your wedding, but don't let these stop you from dreaming about the things you did before you met your better half. Don't let these fantasies take over your personal goals.

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Time Apart

Giving your partner the space that they need is important, and so is taking some time apart for yourself and enjoying it. There's no harm in being social without them. This would also make sure that you both don't take each other for granted and value your time together.

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Don't Give Up Your Hobbies

If you've always enjoyed doing something that makes you feel like you, don't stop doing it. This is a mistake we all make when we get into a relationship. Just because you love someone does not mean you have to stop loving yourself. The moment you do so, you hand them over the key to your emotions. This is never a good sign.

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You Are Two Different Souls

It's all cute when you have moments you realize how similar you and your boo are. From coincidently twinning your clothes to having the same choices in life. But remember you are still two different people. With two different hearts. That might feel or comprehend things differently at times. Don't get worked up just because there is a mere argument when your opinions don't match. This gives way to dishonesty. Which might lead to one of you not putting across your opinion and becoming less outspoken at the risk of avoiding a fight. Or worse, it can lead to one of you convincing yourself to change your opinion.

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Goals

We can't stress on this point enough. As mentioned in the beginning, always remember your personal goals. If you're offered your dream job and you're thinking of turning it down because it would cost you living far from your partner, stop and rethink. It's okay to prioritize someone over yourself at times, but don't let go off your goals.

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Living In Fear

If you find yourself constantly living in fear, fear of your partner leaving you, fear of 'how would your partner react if...', it has danger written all over it. These unwanted ifs are going to be or probably, already are overwhelming for you. It's time you stop worrying about things you have no control over and stop giving someone else the key to your emotions.

Love makes us do a lot of crazy things, things that we never in a million years would think of doing, but don't let losing yourself be one of them.

Read more about: love
Story first published: Thursday, January 24, 2019, 17:55 [IST]
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