Does Familiarity Breed Contempt In A Relationship?

Love And Romance

oi-Anjana NS

By Anjana Ns

Thursday, August 11, 2011, 13:37

A human is a social animal. If we look at ourselves honestly enough, we all have the need to connect with others, especially those who are like us in some way. What draws us to others is intriguing. Sometimes, the strangest of things happen to us.

Some just have the knack of winning people over with their positive attitude and understanding nature.

We meet a lot of people everyday. However, we allow very few to get close in relationship... but then some choose to withdraw for reasons best known to them, leaving behind their imprint long after they have gone. What makes or breaks a friendship? Alas! We are left wondering if we have given too much of ourselves in the bargain.

We are all on a constant emotional roller coaster. One moment we experience happiness and joy and the next, pain or fear. It is as if we have a constant film loop running in our heads that replays everything that ever went wrong in the past (but omits all the good stuff). The spat we had with our close relative, the guilt from careless comments we made to a close friend. We lie awake at night, what if-ing ourselves into a tizzy. We construct dire and implausible possibilities and then treat them as if they were real. Those negative messages clutter our self-confidence; undermine our will to go on and our courage to change.

Quite a few of us still dwell on events that might have happened to us in the past. A rejection, losing a close relationship, and an unfulfilled dream…these are hard to get over. Sometimes, when we feel there is no hope, a helping hand is so welcoming that we tend to cling to it and don"t want to let go. What we don"t realize at that time is by doing nothing to help ourselves, we succeed in frustrating the very people who are trying to help us and maybe they don"t want to hold our hand anymore. So, when in pain, try not to be a pain.

We don"t need to compromise that we really are to be validated. Be authentic and love that close friend with all your heart. Become a conscious communicator as familiarity breeds contempt - We cannot be intimate with another while hiding or denying our true feelings and needs from them. Know your personal value system and live by it - a certain degree of intimacy should exist in all close relationships. It is the ability to be completely open and vulnerable to another without the fear of harm or rejection. When you stop sharing, the whole essence of the friendship is lost.

So, once you get to know yourself; who you really are and find that peace within, automatically people will be drawn to you and wish to be friends. In this atmosphere of openness and trust, it will be a relief to have at least one true person in this society of hypocrites. Lead the way…