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How To Keep Desire in Long-Term Relationships Alive And Find It When It’s Gone

Desire keeps the spark alive in any relationship and you don't need to conduct research or refer to experts to know that. It is seen as one of the ways to strengthen a relationship because the initial adrenaline rush while falling in love is a temporary thing.

You may be in love, and there can be friendship, trust, and loyalty in your relationship and yet all of these do not guarantee that there will be desire too. So, what's a desire? It is a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen in reality or imagination, something that is within their reach or grasp.

What Is Desire? How Is It Different From Love?

Sexual desire is something that flows not just within, but between partners as well. While love is something that you want to have (connection, belonging or closeness), desire is something you want (physical intimacy).

While love is something we know, desire is about the excitement of something unknown. When something is predictable that can add a sense of security, but being mysterious can add that additional spark in a relationship.

If you are already checking out the meaning of desire or searching for how to get it back, it means there are definitely problems in your relationship. It is true that over time the initial excitement, and spark that we experience in a relationship fade away, but if you do the right things along the way, it will not disappear but evolve.
There can be a number of reasons the physical intimacy reduces in your relationship and it feels absolutely dull. Know the reasons.

a. Sex And Good relationship are connected: In the beginning, there can be hyperdrive, which can fade over time. Studies have concluded that good sex can keep communication problems at bay and less sex can lead to breakups as well. However, for some sex is not that important to be happy in a relationship. So, understand the problems and make sure the needs are getting addressed.

b. Sex Hyperdrive When Getting Connected Initially: When the relationship is new, there is a lot of sexual energy and therefore exploring physical intimacy looks exciting. But, with time, it starts to fade. It also happens when there is nothing new to explore, so it wears off.

c. Not wanting To Have Sex At Times: There can be a number of factors that are responsible for this. It can be due to mental health issues, stress, side effects from medication, relationship problems, body image issues, fluctuations in hormones, life changes and more. Also, for men, libido changes with age.

d. Troubled State Of A Relationship: Delaying a conversation about an issue will not solve it, and sweeping it under the rug won't make you or your partner forget about the problem. If you and your partner are not getting engaged in sexual activity for a long time, then there can be huge underlying problems that you both need to detect.

e. People Can Experience Desire In Different Ways: Not everyone likes to engage in intimate activities, random sex or sexual behaviours throughout the day. Some like to get aroused physically before having sex. Just for the sake of having sex to not disappoint your partner gives rise to further dissatisfaction in relationships.

Do you want to experience that time when you both cannot keep your hands off each other, get lost in each other's thoughts whenever they are not around, and your desire for them cannot be satiated even if you get intimate every day?
Well, we have tips that will bring the desire, passion and intimacy back into your relationship.

1. Do things that Will Be Of Interest For Both Of You
Add humour to keep your relationship light and try doing things that make both of you happy. It is essential that you build memories and share joys together. Not only it makes everything lively, but it also keeps unnecessary dramas at bay. If you find that during an interaction, your partner has done something stupid and the relationship is becoming stormy, steer it away and smooth it out with light conversations.

2. Listen To Your Partner, Avoid Being Aggressive
Being defensive has not helped anyone when it comes to relationship problems. Whenever there is an obstacle in your relationship, you and your partner need to be honest with your feelings. Be kind and compassionate towards your partner and know about their feelings and share your feedback as well. Deal with all the problems like a unit.

3. Express Love, Don't Hold It Back
Nobody can know how you feel about them, especially when it comes to love unless you express it. Simply saying ' I Love You' is not enough. The way to talk and behave can be crucial when it comes to displaying your emotions. Spontaneous affection can change the game if you are in a long-term relationship. No matter how busy you are, doing small things can create a huge impact. It can be something very simple like looking at each other, holding hands, or sharing a kiss.

4. Forgive, Forget And Practice Appreciation
Being generous involves being giving of yourself, but it also means being accepting of what's given to you. Be sure to show appreciation, even when gifts and acknowledgement are hard for you to receive. When it comes to the natural give and take in a relationship, it's important not to keep score. Being generous will make you feel warm toward your partner and good about yourself, two elements that keep the spark alive.

5. Know How To Keep Your Identity Intact
In a long relationship, you are emotionally close to someone, but you don't need to lose yourself necessarily in the process. When it comes to intimacy, this can cause a negative impact. Every individual is unique and so is your partner. There is no harm in supporting each other but never lose yourselves as individuals to become something you are not. Celebrate each other as individuals and take interest in their likes and dislikes. Fusing identity and losing respect is something that you need to stay away from.

6. Try New Things
If your relationship is experiencing too many obstacles, then fill it up with new experiences, so that the risk of growing apart reduces. If any action is limiting your happiness, try avoiding that. Make sure that you share ample time with your partner and try activities together to keep your relationship thriving. Pay attention to each other and ensure that there is no vacuum in your relationship.

Story first published: Monday, January 16, 2023, 19:57 [IST]
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