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Understanding Child Abuse: Expert Explains How Spreading Awareness Can Help Us To Prevent It

 Understanding Child Abuse

As per WHO "Child maltreatment is the abuse and neglect that occurs to children under 18 years of age. It includes all types of physical and/or emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect, negligence and commercial or other exploitation, which results in actual or potential harm to the child's health, survival, development or dignity in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power.

International studies reveal that nearly 3 in 4 children aged 2-4 years regularly suffer physical punishment and/or psychological violence at the hands of parents and caregivers, and 1 in 5 women and 1 in 13 men report having been sexually abused as a child."
Study on child abuse: India 2005, was conducted by the Ministry of Women and Child Development, Government of India. In the study group, sexual abuse was found in 53% of children.

To understand the problem and preventive measures we can take as parents, I spoke with Dr Srishty Puri Gajbhiye, who, amongst many things, is also actively working on spreading awareness on child abuse prevention. She has been conferred the prestigious "Doctorate in Child Abuse Prevention and Social Work"(Honoris Causa) by World Human Rights Protection Commission. She's the Founder of CAPTAIN PROGRAMME- a voluntary organisation working to make aware, empower & educate young kids, especially from lower strata of society, protecting against child abuse and Also a Prolific Writer with more than 5 accomplished books published. She is actively involved in positive and proactive Child protection initiatives at the grass-root level through her free workshops, Radio shows and Talks.

Q. Was there a particular incident that made you take up Child Abuse Prevention as a cause?

A. I decided to take a sabbatical from my full-time corporate training job after the birth of my son. In no time I developed from an overprotective mom to a naughty, reckless, free-spirited and lively kid. At the age of 3, my son was abused by a 4 yr old boy during a social gathering under the nose of 25 Adults. This incident shattered me as a mother and forced me to take immediate action, using my gift of gab and intensive research I began body safety awareness and protection classes from home.

Q. If I may, the child who was the perpetrator in your son's case was also a 4-year-old fairly young, his doing such an act does it anyway indicate his circumstances of not being healthy?

A. Yes absolutely, the said child was definitely a victim himself, on the investigation, I found that his own 10-year-old brother was a porn addict. Most of the children who are as young as this are actually unaware of the fact that it's something unusual as they are conditioned to believe that it's something normal.

Q. The last officially published numbers are based on a survey done in 2005. Can you share statistics basis the research and interactions you have had this number increase?

A. Child sexual abuse is far more prevalent than most people realize. The statistics increase in the last decade has been alarming. Sharing a few statistics here As per WHO, one in 5 women and 1 in 13 men report having been sexually abused as a child aged 0-17 years.120 million girls and young women under 20 years of age have suffered some form of forced sexual contact. About one in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthdayThe younger the child victim, the more likely it is that the perpetrator is a juvenile. Juveniles are the offenders in 43% of assaults on children under age six. Of these offenders, 14% are under the age of 12. These statistics highlight how the situation has become bad to worse and Current estimates vary widely depending on the country and the method of research used, hence the actual numbers might be far beyond comprehension.

Q. In India, there are a few myths "We should protect the girls; boys are not as susceptible to sexual abuse." What's your take on this?

A. For years I too have believed the same yet my own journey in this field was triggered by my own son's trauma. According to a 2007 study conducted by the Ministry of Women and Child Welfare, 53.2 percent of children have faced sexual abuse at some point in their life and 52.9 per cent among them are boys. Cases of boys being sexually abused are grossly under-reported as many people do not identify this as abuse. It needs to be highlighted that both boys and girls can be victims.

Q. Myth "Children of lower strata and uneducated families usually get abused."

A. I have extensively worked with slum schools and tier2 and tier3 grade schools where I have first-hand heard and witnessed how these children suffer more on account of unawareness, family indifference and also family honour. Yet I believe that child abuse occurs in all demographics, regardless of ethnicity, race, financial situation, religion, or education. Even in educated families the ignorance of parents and the prevalent idea of sex as a taboo in India leads to a gap in the relations between children and parents. This in turn affects their ability to express their inexplicable experiences of abuse.

Q. How can we prevent our children from getting abused?

A. Our role is very vital in this direction. Ways to prevent child abuse, as well as stop child abuse from recurring, consists both of introducing protective factors against child abuse and eliminating the risk factors for child abuse. We as parents have a major role to play in age-appropriate communication with our kids regarding this extremely important topic. Awareness is the first step towards protection followed by training on self-defence and building a society where information flow on this topic is not taboo. Rather it's normalised as studying A, B, Cs or numbers.

Q. At what age should we start teaching our kids about body boundaries?

A. I feel that 3-4 years is an appropriate time to start talking to children about body boundaries, naming the right body parts and also about the different body parts of the genders. Although it may seem too young yet research has shown that pre-schoolers this age start developing body curiosity and it must be addressed with utmost prudence. The best way forward to conduct dialogue with this age group is with the help of books.

Q. Should parents and the school invest more time and energy in giving their children sex education? At what age should we consider talking with the children?

A. Sex education has (thankfully) changed since we were kids. One simply cannot do sex education with a big one-off talk, even if parents think they have covered everything extensively. Today it is about lots of small, frequent, repetitive conversations with the child. Parenting has come a long way since the times when parents shied away from talking about sex at all with the kids and let the kid discover on their own. Today kids are going to hear about sex, from their friends, from surfing the internet and watching the television. By getting in first, Parents can make sure that the kids receive the right information and more importantly, that they know how parents feel about it. There is a huge difference between what a 5-year-old and an 8-year-old need to know - as they get older, parents need to give them more details and repeat themselves a lot more. By starting conversations about sex with their 8-9-year-old child, parents can let them know that it is okay for children to come to them with any questions. This may be the parent's last chance to talk while their child is still willing to listen to them! As they approach their teens, they are starting to rely more on their friends for answers and information. To be more specific:

Young children (about 3-6 years old)

At this age, we can teach them which body parts are private areas and they should not let others see/touch or photograph them. It is important that parents teach kids to respect others' private areas as well. Simplification of jargon like the meaning of & Secret vs Surprise etc also goes a long way at this stage to improve their understanding. In my book called BODY SAFETY IS THE RIGHT CHOICE BABY!!: Empowering kids towards Body Safety. I have focused on the simplification of jargons in an age-appropriate manner along with a casual parent-child storytelling layout.

Children of school age (about 7-12 years old)

For pre-teen children, Parents can create a comfortable space and allow them to ask questions that they are curious about, such as how babies are made, what is menstruation, puberty issues with boys etc. Parents should read quality books on this topic for references and more importantly, remember to keep an open mind as kids at this stage love cross-questioning. The parents' approach can make or break many myths. Hence the key point to remember is that this topic isn't a lifesaver.

Q. Indian families have a culture of everyone hugging or kissing the child without their consent since they are babies; as a primary caregiver, do you introduce the concept of consent not just to the child but also to the rest of the family members?

A. This is an excellent question and a tricky one as it throws light on our upbringing as parents or caregivers. Fast forward to the times of today, a lot of talk about body safety, boundaries and consent are around and parents are more aware than a decade ago about the fact that their child's safety is compromised by lack of consent. It's a tough topic to approach to the rest of the family yet a simple request eliciting the probability of abuse in the outside world and a clear intention to protect the child, modelling from home is a great way to start. The child as young as 3 years can be taught consent based on their feelings of comfort and it will gradually come as their way of life with enough repetition from family on the topic.

Q. How has the response been to the CAPTAIN programme? What challenges do you face while you conduct the workshops?

A. The initial response to the CAPTAIN programme was lukewarm, as parents were sceptical of the kind of information being downloaded to their children. I had to involve mothers as part of my workshops to help them understand that through play way we can introduce and reiterate this vital topic. Working with schools, especially the slum schools was particularly tough at first as the management felt that this topic was taboo and then was worried about parents' reactions. I even faced segregation of gender during workshops making my task way tougher. When this topic is introduced relatively later to kids in their preteens it becomes extremely difficult to address the myths and presumptions. Unlearning becomes particularly difficult for this age group. Over the years I see better receptivity from parents and caregivers, I have also been able to reach a larger audience worldwide with my Published Books and Talks on All India Radio

Q. You are a mother yourself; given the amount of work and information you have on Child Abuse, how worried are you every time they are away from you?

A. I feel as a mother I am not worried much as I am confident that my children are well versed with these topics of body safety and body boundaries and are willing to protect themselves. I believe as a parent the real test of our parenting lessons is when our kids are away from us and as much as I am confident about my kid's ability to protect themselves, I am also well aware of the potential dangers that await them. Yet keeping them away from the real world is no guarantee to keep them safe, hence I feel as parents our job is to make our kids armed with awareness and training to protect themselves and let them live their lives to the fullest without being fearful ourselves or by instilling any fear in them.

Q. How, as parents, do we balance being overprotective vs giving freedom to our children?

A. The answer again for me is to make sure we instil in our children the confidence to be able to protect themselves. When we are overprotective we are just inviting more trouble for our kids as we learn from the story of Gautama Buddha's father, who lend all the protection and comfort in the world to protect his son from the realities of life yet curiosity of Gautama Buddha won over that overprotectiveness. We need to empower our children to be able to take care of themselves rather than shielding them always, as at some point life will happen to them and at that point, they might feel themselves to be influenced by people around them or end up making decisions based on their limited view of life. Giving freedom is a subjective matter, yet freedom to choose and decide from the alternatives thrown at us by life is a skill that we must empower our children with. It begins with us as parents first letting go of our fears and with faith to empower our children rather than always being their decision-makers or decision-negators.

Q. This is a tough question but an important one, what should the parents do if their child has been a victim?

A. Firstly the point of detection of such an incident is important as in most cases the children are either convinced of keeping this away from parents through shame or sham. Hence watching out for signs by the parents is a main point. There may be many reasons for changes in their behaviour, but if we notice a combination of worrying signs it may be time to call for help or advice.

What to watch out for in children

  • Acting out in an inappropriate sexual way with toys or objects
  • Nightmares, sleeping problems
  • Becoming withdrawn or very clingy
  • Becoming unusually secretive
  • Sudden unexplained personality changes, mood swings and seeming insecure
  • Regressing to younger behaviours, e.g. bedwetting
  • Unaccountable fear of particular places or people
  • Outburst of anger
  • Changes in eating habits
  • New adult words for body parts and no obvious source
  • Talk of a new, older friend and unexplained money or gifts
  • Self-harm (cutting, burning or other harmful activities)
  • Physical signs, such as unexplained soreness or bruises around genitals or mouth, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy
  • Running away
  • Not wanting to be alone with a particular child or young person or adult

Any one sign doesn't mean that a child was or is being sexually abused, but the presence of several suggests that you should begin to ask questions and consider seeking help. (source https://www.theupstreamproject.org.uk/identify/warning-signs)

In case of confirmation of abuse parents should first start with a dialogue with the child in a manner to not let them feel responsible for what has happened, empowerment is the key at all stages. Communicate to the child that it is not his/her fault. You need to inform the child that you might need to take action against the perpetrator, so as to ensure the child's safety.

Prepare the child for proceedings that might follow, such as a visit to the doctor or hospital for medical aid or an examination; visits from the police; sessions with a counsellor.

If the child reports the incident to the parents immediately, do not change the child's clothes or give him/her a bath. This is important to follow so as to preserve any evidence.

Take the child to the nearest hospital for a medical check-up and treatment.

Alert the nearest police station to the incident or the abuse. Parents need to register a complaint at the police station closest to where the child lives. After the complaint is filed, the police will take the child's statement at the child's home or in any place where the child feels safe.
Even if the incident(s) has taken place more than 24 hours before you find out about it, you can still take legal action.

If parents are not comfortable handling the situation on their own, they can contact an NGO like SNEHA for information, support and guidance on how to proceed.

Story first published: Tuesday, January 17, 2023, 18:56 [IST]