Children And Divorce

Kids

oi-Suparna Chakaraborthy

By Suparna Chakaraborthy

Monday, November 15, 2010, 15:27

Marriage is an union of two hearts in love but in the course of time, things change, relations change and sometimes, the couple which once was an example of true love decides to part ways, which in legal terms is divorce. Divorce is not easy on any of the partners but sometimes keeping in mind the situation and the distance in the relationship, it seems to be the best decision. Coping with life after divorce becomes very difficult for both but it is worst for children.

Children and divorce don't seem to understand each other. A husband and a wife for children are their parents. To see them separated, is too painful and disturbing. It becomes difficult for them to understand that their family is no more together and staying with one means to be devoid of love of another. To bring children and divorce in terms with each other, is the duty of the parents. Here are few suggestions to handle children and divorce -

1.Tell The Truth – Difference between parent is easily sensed by the children and they also try many ways to mend it. When you'll have decided on a divorce, confront the children with it. Tell them the reason and try to show the positive side of it. The way to reveal it depends on the age of the children. Handling teens at the time of divorce is very difficult. They are aggressive and revelation of the divorce can make it worse. As they are at an age to understand, be open with the problem and discuss the consequences.

2.Tell Them You Love Them – Biggest fear among children in case of divorce between parents is the loss of love. Assure them that both of you'll will love them as you'll do at present. Life will be the same for them with only minor differences. If you are planning a change of house, then make the change look interesting enough for them to want to go and stay there.

3.Let Each Parent Spend Enough Time – After divorce don't avoid your children. They need you even more now. They should see each parent frequently, so that they don't feel the difference in their relationship, happiness and love. They need to feel protected.

4.Life Should Move On – There should be no difference in the way your family leads it's life. Any kind of changes in the mood or lifestyle in the house, will keep reminding the children of their parents divorce. At this time they mark each difference and constant exposure to it may lead to depression. To avoid this, keep things normal.

5.Family Gatherings – Arrange for family gatherings on weekends. It is not very difficult to maintain peace with your partner once a week. Smiles on your face and the friendship between you will make your children happy and simultaneously they will accept that divorce did nothing bad to them.

6.Don't Undermine The Other Partner – Talking ill about another partner will in no ways make your children loyal to you. This will cast a very bad impression and will make you the culprit of all the crime. If both the partners talk ill about each other to their children, it will leave the children confused and depressed. They don't deserve it. They deserve to have you'll together.

7.Their Impression On The Union Of Marriage – Your divorce should not make them hate the idea of marriage. This generally happen with teenagers. It is your responsibility, to explain them how wonderful being married is. Tell them that you were not lucky but he/she will be. Show them examples of happy married couples.

To get along children and divorce together, a couple needs to follow these seven rules for the peace of the family. Divorce does not mean getting rid of family responsibility. Your responsibility towards your children and their upbringing, remains the same. Hiding from it will only leave your children depressed, which they don't deserve.