Your lover's ex is back

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When you are in a relationship and your lover's ex has a presence in the love life, the first thing you need to do is to discuss it with your lover. You have to make sure that your lover knows how you feel. Trust is fundamental for a strong relationship. Living with doubt and suspicion not only makes you feel insecure and anxious. It can havoc on your self-esteem and your sense of deserving to be valued and respected.

If your lover's ex is trying to make your relationship sour, you have an important decision to make for the relationship. In this situation you will have to eventually say something and do something about it. You cannot just sit back and let someone try and ruin your relationship. There is no sense in threatening your lover's ex. Violence is never the answer and it will only lead to a bigger mess.

Communication is the key for keeping your relationship on track. Talk to your lover about the negative effects that the ex has placed upon your relationship. Find out if there is anything that can be changed to make the situation more comfortable for both.

If the talk is not working, you may have to take the next step and that may be counseling. This is something that you can do and fix the problem. There is nothing to be ashamed of and you may find that you have a better relationship. There are rules to follow:

Don't Raise Your Voice

Regardless of the nature of your fight watch your voice. No matter what you have planned in your defense, always speak softly. If you are the composed one, the ex lover's anger will only run its course.

Be the First Persn to Listen
Be the exception of a good listener. Let the ex lover talk and yell. If you spend your cross examination by recapping the words, you may never have an original thought.

Stay on the Subject at Hand
Arguments are won or lost on the ability to prevent other gripes from creeping into the contest at hand. When the mood is confrontational, bring up nothing but that which you have been called out on.

Admit Wrong and You Win
She can never win a fight if you admit you are wrong first.

Play the Emotional Card
Fight strong and do not be afraid to act by the things your lover's ex says. For a woman an aggressive man who shows emotion in the heat of an argument is the king of men.

When you love someone, you will find ways to work around any problem. You will have to come up with a solution that will make everyone happy. Trust will be reestablished when all of these issues are under control. It won't happen overnight, but it will come with honesty, communication and patience.