Relationship Red Flags In Modern Dating That You Must Look Out For, And No, Cheating Isn't One!

Tuesday, March 14, 2023, 13:38

Romantic or not, every facet of life involves relationships. In a quest to find a perfect partner or a perfect relationship, we often ignore one basic thing, i.e, how the relationships we choose to be in can affect our emotional and mental well-being in both negative and positive ways.

While a human connection is essential, it is important to understand that not all relationships add value to our lives or make them better. Some are simply toxic and there is absolutely no need to walk down that embarrassing road if you can spot the red flags early. However, once you wear love glasses, no matter how many red flags are present, everything looks normal.

Well, when it comes to dating, the stats are not great. A study by Pew Research Center has found that 67% of daters say their dating life is going 'not too/not at all well' and has become harder in the past 10 years.

You don't have to entertain every cupid that comes your way with an arrow of love and unrealistic promises. When things seem too good to be true, then you may consider looking at red flags when it comes to modern dating and just save yourself from the horror of heartbreak. 8 things you need to spot or look out for while dating someone so that you can navigate efficiently through problems and cheating is the last thing you should be worried about.

1. Love Bombing

This is manipulative and toxic behaviour which is marked by grand gestures, constant contact and also non-stop attention too early in a relationship. It can be anything like a fancy dinner accompanied by a huge bouquet of flowers and the person you are dating focuses all their attention on you and does not even glance once at their phone. This is a technique that is often used by narcissists to overwhelm their victims through excess romantic gestures and flatter them, and just when you will think that you are living a dream and have found your soulmate, you realise that you have been love bombed and feel extremely hurt.

2. Textationship

This can be a person who is always ready to text you and available for you only via text but is never ready to meet you in person. Psychologists say that it is a rectangular relationship because of four obvious things that are involved- you, the object of your affection and the phones of you and your partner. Having a face-to-face conversation or going out on a date is never going to happen and will feel like a distant dream. This makes it a virtual relationship where one or both partners are confined to their phone screens and do not want to take things to the next level.

3. Negging

This is also a form of emotional manipulation and a form of verbal emotional abuse where someone tries to insult you by making slightly negative or insulting comments and prey on your insecurities in hope that they will get validation from you. This form of abuse is not physical and therefore, people may find it difficult to spot. In negging, people give backhanded compliments, which means it is a pleasant compliment but can be an insult as well. This is designed to make you feel vulnerable and undermine your self-esteem.

4. Cookie Jarring

Psychologists explain that this happens when an individual seeks a relationship as a security blanket or as a backup plan when they are actually pursuing another relationship that isn't completely available or after they have been rejected. They will neither commit nor reject a person and want them to just string along with someone they are into and will never get serious with them. These individuals are probably already dating someone or pursuing a long-term relationship with someone else and can be at the beginning of a promising relationship. So, save yourself the heartbreak and understand that this is a red flag in modern dating.

5. Gaslighting

This is also a very common type of manipulation that occurs in relationships that are abusive. The nature of this abuse is so covert that it is difficult to spot. The bully or abuser misleads the target by creating a narrative that is entirely false and makes them question their reality and judgements. Due to this, the victim starts to feel insecure about it and wonders why they are losing their sanity. Also, this can lead to confusion, low self-esteem and loss of confidence. The worse part is the victim then becomes dependent on the perpetrator.

6. Misery Olympics

This is a satirical phrase that is used for a phenomenon that a lot of people are familiar with. It is a situation when a person compares their own issues to others who are complaining about their own problems. This spells an epic round of misery Olympics. Comparing trauma constantly in a relationship is not good for the emotional and psychological well-being of both partners. This can also belittle one person's trauma when the other person exaggerates their own issues. Understanding the emotional baggage is a good thing but drowning together in it is never wis.

7. Trash-Talking About Exes

There can be some angry and hurt feelings about your ex-partner(s) and it is okay to vent it out in front of people you trust to make peace with your mind and take care of your mental health is fine, but doing this often in front of your current partner can send a wrong message. This will not only create a trust deficit with your present partner but the past baggage will also not allow your current bond to deepen.

8. Cyber-Flashing

Cyber flashing is defined as a form of an online sexual offence where a person receives message requests, unsolicited nudes, video calls, sudden interruptions on live sessions and more on social media platforms, dating apps and messaging apps without consent. According to YouGov report 2017, more than 40% of millennial women have received an unsolicited photo of a male's private parts, and 78% of American women have been messaged an uninvited graphic photo. No data from India is available till now and only countries like Singapore and Scotland have specific laws to deal with this issue.