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When To Seek Help In Your Marriage?

By Tara Hari

There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, or a match made in heaven. Every marriage has its own pitfalls, most of which can be solved by partners themselves. But sometimes, seeking professional help is the only way to salvage a marriage and prevent its disintegration. Most couples are disinclined to seek help, even when they realise their marriage is crumbling. There are numerous reasons for this reluctance, including the social stigma attached to counselling.

When To Seek Help In Your Marriage?

Sometimes one spouse is completely oblivious to the distress felt by his/her partner in the marriage. Also, most couples labour under the staunch belief that they can work things out amongst themselves and it is unnecessary to drag a third party into their private business. But more often than not, a third party is required to take an objective view of things and to help the couple make an informed decision.

Abuse

Abuse can not only be physical, it can be verbal, emotional and financial. When a spouse is repeatedly abused by their partner, it is advisable to seek help. The abusive spouse will not change their conduct without an external influence. The victim is usually too scared and lacks the skill to deal with an abusive spouse. Therefore, seeking external help will help stop the abuse successfully, by avoiding the breakdown of the marriage itself.

Trust Issues

Couples are advised to seek counselling when there are repeated and baseless accusation of cheating. This implies a lack of trust which could stem from various reasons like insecurity. In other cases, your spouse has already cheated on you, and you have made the decision to remain together in spite of that. But every time you have a fight, this issue is repeatedly brought up to justify your abnormal behaviour and suspicions. This is a definite sign that you need to seek help in your marriage to move on from this issue and learn to trust each other again.

Communication

The ways in which men and women communicate are vastly different. Even so, it is obvious when your spouse completely shuts you out. You live under the same roof, but are completely unaware of what is happening in each other's lives. Sometimes, your spouse may be too afraid to bring certain matters up, like losing their job or being in debt. Proper communication is the key to a successful marriage. If the spouse is adamant about not opening up to you, then it is advised to seek help in your marriage.

Resentment

One of the major reasons that marriages break down is resentment. The husband might resent the fact that his wife earns more than him. The wife may resent the husband for not allowing her to work. Couples might resent each other for the way their children turned out or how their in-laws treat them. It is unhealthy to bottle up resentment for long, as it will definitely affect the marriage in an adverse way.

Intimacy

It is hard to keep the old flame of love burning when there are so many practical things to be taken care of. Who has time for candlelight dinners and romantic getaways when there are taxes to be paid and children's education to be taken care of? You might drift away slowly from your partner without even being aware of it. Loss of intimacy plays a major role in breaking down marriages and should be considered as a serious warning sign that you need to seek help.

These are a few signs that indicate when to seek help in your marriage. Seeking help in the initial stages when you notice these warning signs will help salvage your marriage before it breaks down irrevocably.

Story first published: Friday, May 17, 2013, 19:15 [IST]