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Emotional Intelligence Of Men Is The Secret To A Long-Lasting Relationship

The ingredients of a healthy relationship are trust, space, loyalty, communication, and understanding. When two people come together in a relationship, they need to put in effort to make the relationship last longer. But there is one more factor that counts when it comes to a long-lasting relationship, and that is emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the capability of being aware of our emotions and thereafter, handling the emotionally critical situation to fix the issue rather than playing the blame game.

The Importance Of Being Emotional Intelligent

In a romantic relationship, emotional intelligence is highly important as it helps in understanding and accepting the perspectives, feelings, and needs of your partner. This can be then utilized for taking decisions in your relationship and making comprises that are acceptable to both of you.

No relationship can be navigated in the right direction without emotional intelligence as it helps in determining the impact of emotions on yourself and on others. One can deal with emotional turmoil and save the relationship from moving towards the dead-end.

John Gottman and his colleague, psychologists at the University of Washington, found that only those newlywed men who are accepting of influence from their wives are ending up in happy, stable marriages [1] .

Why Men Lack Emotional Intelligence

There is a famous line, 'God promised, perfect men will be found at every corner of the world but then he made the earth round.'

John Gottman mentioned a similar thing in his book, 'Seven Principles Of Making A Marriage Work', "about 65% of men increase their negativity during an argument." His studies further revealed, the majority of the time, men were at the fault during an argument.

The same book further revealed, women give priority to emotions and feelings. However, men are quite comfortable with tuning out of emotions and focusing on money and other priorities.

Men reject their wives' or girlfriends' influence, mostly due to the fear of losing, as they lack emotional intelligence. They feel uncomfortable to accept their faults and flaws in front of their girls. According to John Gottman, "men who lack emotional intelligence might reject their partner's influence without realising the bright side of the influence."

In such a case, while planning for something, men will consider themselves rather considering both of them. When women feel like talking, men who lack emotional intelligence might turn on a football match or might get busy watching YouTube videos.

During the initial days of a relationship or marriage, men find ways to spend maximum time with their partners but it is for a short term only. They value money rather than their relationship. By the time men realize they have earned enough, the relationship is gone.

Why Emotionally Intelligent Men Can Make A Relationship Last Long

a) They respect and honour their ladies:

Emotionally intelligent men will always respect and value their ladies' emotions and needs. These men will consider "we" over "me" and will admire their ladies. Though they might not know how to express their emotions, they will be always interested in finding ways to stay connected with their ladies in all situations.

b) They support their ladies' aspiration:

Emotionally intelligent men are well-aware of their partners' dreams and goals. These men love to see their partners working towards their dreams.

c) They are capable of handling arguments:

For emotionally intelligent men, arguments are not meant to show their superiority. They know how to react and fix the problem. They try to understand and analyse their partners' view and perspective. In case, where men find themselves to be wrong, they are not afraid to accept their flaws.

d) They listen and talk:

These men will take no time to turn off the football match or Netflix when their partners need to talk. They will keep aside the work they have doing and will listen and solve their partners' problems. They don't hesitate to have proper communication with their partners.

e) They look for long term happiness:

For emotionally intelligent men, long term happiness matters the most. They will do things to bring stability to their relationship. They know, money can't bring long term happiness and, therefore, they care about the emotions of their partner.

How To Become Emotionally Intelligent

Emotional intelligence won't come to you all of a sudden. It is both a skill and mindset that is developed over time. For this, you will have to pay attention to your partner and become supportive. You need to understand your partner's view and compromise when needed. You need to look for the core needs of your partner and fulfil them. Also, you can sit with your partner and look for the ground where a mutual decision can be taken.

View Article References
  1. [1] 1.II Maugh H. Thomas(1998 Feb 21) as Study’s Advice to Husbands: Accept Wife’s Influence. Retrived from on 29 July 2019