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Live-in Relationships Call For Problems

By Staff

Break ups
Shelly is 23-years-old. She, as defined by friends, had been one of the most chubby-bubby girls in the group. But today, she seems to have even forgotten to smile.

Her orkut profile says, the first thing you will notice about me, is the smile. Smile? Did I hear it right? Then, why suddenly? What went wrong? Shelly, all through out the day, prefers to stay alone. She doesn't mingle up with friends, or even goes out with them. Life of solitary is what she lives.

It's one of those unsuccessful stories that couldn't stay on for a long time; three years of relationship gone in vain. But with her, things are different. She had been in a live-in relationship for two years, when suddenly she, and her partner, realized that they could never be together. Splitting, is what they thought the best outlet to be.

Researchers have come to an understanding that partners who stay together before marriage, in most cases, end up with a break up. And this may sound bitter, but it's an emerging truth that one has to face.

If one goes by definition, live in relationships, predominantly meant for couples who were either too busy with social responsibilities or for those who weren't willing to take up much commitments. But today, the trend seems to have infused onto the minds of a lot of the younger crowds. The problem is, a lot of them don't realize that there both sides of the coin - the pros and the cons.

With the increasing number of incidents, where partners break up even before their engagement, it is utmost important to understand certain facets of the newly emerged relationship.

Over Protectiveness:

It may be the boy, or the girl. One has to be protective, but to a healthy limits. Once a couple are in a live in relationship, they become engrossed into the relationship so much that they tend to forget, they are still unmarried. Remember, there is still a space that has to be maintained between the two of you. And it's a budding love, and both of you have a long, long way to go. Give space to your partner, and demand the same for you. With the pass of time, things will get better.

Limitations:

Don't forget. Certain lines should never be crossed. If you thought, love is all you need, then you are wrong. Break the jar and let some fresh air come onto your mind. Your neurons needs some. Sorry, if I sound too abusive. But that's how it is. Remember. There is a line that separates the both - concern and intervene. Please discard the latter. It's good to show concern for your partner, but don't intervene in every thing she does. She has a life too, and she, too, needs some space. Nobody like round-the-clock interference.

Compromise...

..is the name of the game. You must have been the only child of your parents, the spoiled brat of your parents, get things even before you demand. So? Well, it's time to throw that attitude down into the bin. You need to learn the art of Compromise. And trust you me, there is just not two way about this. Walk along with her, not ahead.

Jealousy...

..is the green eye monster. Chuck it. Well, she is young, beautiful, and hot. So? She is yours, after all. People might call her at odd hours, but that doesn't give you the reason to pick a fight with her. Protectiveness, everybody has. But thou the winner who controls it.

What's your age?

Yes, tell me what's your age.

Now think the years' you are planning to spend together. In fact, by having to decide to live together even before the wedding, you have already kicked started the journey. Now, the next big challenge: How interesting a man you are?

The other problem that one faces in a live in relationship, is soon things look boring - a year, two, three or in five years time, some time down the line, it may happen. So why take a chance when you can make things right, right before it starts. Be unpredictable. Do stuff spontaneously with her , that's interesting and unpredictable. You may possibly ask her to accompany you for a long big ride on a monday evening. Or may be go for a movie on a day when she expects the least.

Okay, the list goes on and on. There is infinite possibilities that one can incorporate to make it a pleasurable journey. After all, it's the journey and not the destination that matters.

Story first published: Friday, July 24, 2009, 14:00 [IST]