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Do you feel that no matter what you do, you are the most worthless, unlovable and incompetent person? Are you constantly doubting your abilities? Do you feel ashamed and hate yourself, even without any reason? Moreover, there are times when you achieve something but you don't feel proud of yourself as you consider yourself as a loser. Well, then this known as self-loathing or self-hatred, in simple words.
What Is Self-Loathing?
Those who don't know, self-loathing is a feeling when you develop an extreme disliking for yourself. You tend to doubt your abilities and consider yourself incapable of doing almost anything. It is about constantly looking for faults in yourself or underestimating yourself. In fact, you may have a distorted perception of your own personality. The problem is we are not aware of our real self that has endless potential.
No matter how much we hide it, self-loathing is a serious issue and it must not be ignored. You may try to suppress your feelings and end up behaving cleverer, superior to others, but it won't help you in the long run.
It will be not wrong to say that a person becomes their own enemy when they have this kind of feeling. It is not only about doubting your abilities and decisions it is also about feeling inferior about your physical appearance.
Because of one's inability to control their negative thoughts, you may feel that you are the ugliest person alive on this planet and that you don't deserve to be loved.
Boldsky got in touch with two women who dealt with the issue of self-hatred. You can go through their experiences and understand how depressing self-loathing can be.
24-years-old Adya, who is a Bengaluru based content writer said, "My childhood days were tough and often I used to criticize myself and blame myself for not meeting society's standards. Because I hardly had any clear idea that I was unique in my own way." She continues, "I remember as a child I felt that I was the ugliest in my class and therefore, nobody wanted to be my friend. The intense feeling of self-loathing made me believe that I should distance myself from people because I am ugly and I cannot do anything about it. Even posing for pictures made me sad."
It is essential that even if tough situations, you must not judge yourself or make a nasty remark at yourself for doing something you like in the first place. Get rid of that internal enemy and your life will be at peace. We have listed here some reasons that can trigger self-hate.
This is one of the major reasons why people develop the self-loathing attitude in themselves. When a child is constantly compared with his or her sibling(s) or cousin(s), the child's confidence level decreases. He or she may develop low self-esteem.
Mona (27), a writer from Jammu told Boldsky, "There was a time when my mother asked me to be like my elder sister. Though this never affected my equation with my sister, I started feeling that I am not good as a person and I thought myself to be a misfit in the family."
"My relatives always compared me to my cousins and asked why was I not like them?' This made me believe that there's nothing good in me and eventually, I started hating myself. It affected me in such a way that even when I scored more than my cousin, I doubted if my teacher checked my copy properly," mentioned Adya.
2. Getting Constantly Bullied
Someones you may be singled out because of your creativity, for being intelligent or for your physical features. And most of the time it is because people are jealous of you or they simply bully people for fun without realising the consequences.
If you don't understand one simple point that you are beautiful then society will find a way to tell you that you are flawed.
Adya says, "Since I was bullied by my classmates, I started finding myself to be ugly and so I hated my appearance. Moreover, I started to feel that no matter what, I can't look beautiful as I am the ugliest in my class."
3. Criticism From Family Members
Most children consider their parents as their role models but when negative remarks comes from the family members, it is difficult for a child to adjust their emotions. Also, if a parent criticises their child's manner in front of outsiders or in public then it has a devastating impact on them at times.
They grow up shrouded by shame and that hinders their developmental process.
"While making a point, my parents were always rude to me, criticised for my behaviour often. At times, my mother used to criticise my daily routine and the way I do a particular work. My father too at times scolded me in a cruel way in front of the neighbours and therefore, I believed that there's something wrong in me. Though I never developed a hatred for my parents as they seemed perfect to me, I started hating myself," mentioned Adya.
4. Facing Difficulties While Doing Something
There can be times when things don't go as expected. Learn to accept the fact that you are a human and it is okay to make mistakes. However, people who have been criticised, compared and bullied often may look at self as an incompetent and worthless person.
Mona recalled how she grew up seeing her sister doing things perfectly but when she tried doing the same, she failed. "Maybe because I wasn't mature enough back then to do or tackle complex things but then I started considering myself worthless. Self-hate was my companion always. Also, since I wanted to be like my sister, I used to get upset when things didn't go as expected," she added.
5. Not Conforming To The Social Norms
Try to do something different and there is a high chance that you will be called crazy. Who said that you have to follow what people around you are doing? Be it body-shaming, obsession over fair skin or your choice of profession; you will face criticism from people but it is up to you whether to fight back or give in to the societal pressure.
"During my childhood, I was told that no man will love me or find me beautiful because I wear specs. I was skinny and not curvy so people around me pointed out that to me as well. This made me feel that I am ugly and therefore, I started trying different methods to change physical appearance. That was sad."
Understand that it is okay to make errors, take wrong decisions or not live up to our own expectations. We all need to accept ourselves first and then work on the negative emotions that we throw at ourselves or others. Stay strong and empowered and everything will fall in place. Remember, today is a gift and that is the reason it is called "present".