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Stress Harms Relationships: How You Can Reduce It During Holidays And Beyond
With the flurry of shopping, spending money and travelling to see family, stress can feel inevitable during the holidays. You might already know stress can affect your own health, but what you may not realize is that your stress - and how you manage it - is catching. Your stress can spread around, particularly to your loved ones.
As a social-health psychologist, I have developed a model on how partners and their stress influence each other's psychological and biological health. Through that and my other research, I've learned that the quality of intimate relationships is crucial to people's health.
Here's just a sample:
1.
Relationship
stress
can
alter
the
immune,
endocrine
and
cardiovascular
systems.
2.
A
study
of
newlyweds
found
levels
of
stress
hormones
were
higher
when
couples
were
hostile
during
a
conflict
-
that
is,
when
they
were
critical,
sarcastic,
spoke
with
an
unpleasant
tone
and
used
aggravating
facial
expressions,
like
eyeballs.
3.
Likewise,
in
another
study,
people
in
hostile
relationships
had
slower
wound
healing,
higher
inflammation,
higher
blood
pressure
and
greater
heart
rate
changes
during
the
conflict.
4.
Middle-aged
and
older
men
had
higher
blood
pressure
at
times
when
their
wives
reported
greater
stress.
And
partners
who
felt
they
weren't
being
cared
for
or
understood
had
poorer
well-being
and
higher
mortality
rates
10
years
later
when
compared
with
those
who
felt
more
cared
for
and
appreciated
by
their
partners.
Conflict And Cortisol
Cortisol is a hormone that plays a key role in the body's stress response. Cortisol has a diurnal rhythm, so its levels are usually highest soon after waking and then gradually decline during the day. But chronic stress can lead to unhealthy cortisol patterns, such as low cortisol levels upon waking or cortisol not tapering off much by the end of the day. These patterns are associated with an increase in disease development and mortality risks.
My colleagues and I found that conflict altered the cortisol levels of couples on the day they had a dispute; people with stressed partners who used negative behaviours during the conflict had higher cortisol levels even four hours after the conflict ended.
These findings suggest that arguing with a partner who is already stressed could have lasting biological health effects for ourselves.
Managing Stress
Here are three ways you can reduce the stress in your relationship, during and after the holidays.
1.
First,
talk
to
and
validate
each
other.
Tell
your
partner
you
understand
their
feelings.
Talk
about
big
and
little
things
before
they
escalate.
2.
Sometimes
partners
hide
problems
to
protect
each
other,
but
this
can
actually
make
things
worse.
Share
your
feelings,
and
when
your
partner
shares
in
return,
don't
interrupt.
3.
Remember,
feeling
cared
for
and
understood
by
a
partner
is
good
for
your
emotional
well-being
and
promotes
healthier
cortisol
patterns,
so
being
there
for
each
other
and
listening
to
each
other
can
have
good
health
effects
for
both
you
and
your
partner.
4.
Next,
show
your
love.
Hug
each
other,
hold
hands
and
be
kind.
This
too
lowers
cortisol
and
can
make
you
feel
happier.
One
study
found
that
a
satisfying
relationship
can
even
help
improve
vaccination
response.
5.
Then
remind
yourself
that
you're
part
of
a
team.
6.
Brainstorm
solutions,
be
each
other's
cheerleaders
and
celebrate
the
wins
together.
Couples
who
unite
to
tackle
stress
are
healthier
and
more
satisfied
with
their
relationships.
Some
examples:
Make
dinner
or
run
errands
when
your
partner
is
stressed;
relax
and
reminisce
together;
or
try
a
new
restaurant,
dance
or
exercise
class
together.
That said, it's also true that sometimes these steps aren't enough. Many couples will still need help managing stress and overcoming difficulties. Couples therapy helps partners learn to communicate and resolve conflicts effectively. It's critical to be proactive and seek help from someone who is trained to deal with ongoing relationship difficulties.
So this holiday season, tell your partner that you're there for them, preferably while you're hugging.
Take each other's stress seriously, and no more eye rolls. It's not so much the stress itself; it's the way that both of you manage the stress together. Working as an open and honest team is the key ingredient to a healthy and happy relationship, during the holiday season and into the new year.
Image Source: Freepik.com
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