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How To Heal After Being In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship


No one enters a relationship thinking of getting abused at the hands of someone they love. Unfortunately, it is difficult to read the minds of other people and predict their behaviour or understand how one will act.

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Abuse in any form can be very complex, and be so covert, and subtle at times that it is difficult to identify. This is particularly true for emotional abuse because there is no trace of tangible evidence like physical abuse and often involves sophisticated and toxic mind games. Abuse can be forgivable and subtle in the beginning but it escalates over time and the vicious cycle of violence can trap you. By the time things become really bad, and you realize the kind of danger you are in, it becomes really hard to escape it.

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According to the National Crime Records Bureau, in 2011, there were more than 228,650 reported incidents of crime against women, while in 2021, there were 4,28,278 reported incidents, an 87% increase. Of the women living in India, 7.5% live in West Bengal where 12.7% of the total reported crime against women occurs.


What Is An Abusive Relationship?

An abusive relationship describes any relationship where an individual exerts control and power over the other in a negative way. One can face abuse in many forms and it can be emotional, physical, verbal, financial or any other type of behaviour which keeps one person under the control of another.

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While the verbal attacks can consist of shaming, blaming and condescending and patronizing jokes, the control tactics can include constant criticism, negative judgements, keeping one away from healthy relationships, monitoring your activity, accusing you of cheating, demanding to know where you go at all times.

People who are victims of abusive relationships often experience or live with certain issues like isolation, depression, anxiety, addictions, embarrassment, suicidal feelings, financial problems and injuries.

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A research study by Deborah K Anderson and Daniel George Saunders reveals things that are involved for a person to leave an abusive partner and how it affects one's psychological well-being. It also highlights what they go through before entering a new relationship. However, the report doesn't indicate any perfect time to start a new relationship after coming out of a toxic one.

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This is because some unchecked features from your previous one can show up in your new relationship. Therefore, before starting a new relationship after an abusive one, there are some things one needs to consider. There can be a lot of unchecked features in the previous toxic relationship that can show up in a new one.

It is important to note that no signal indicates the perfect time to start a relationship after abuse. This is because some unchecked features from your previous one can show up in your new relationship. Therefore, when starting a new relationship after an abusive one, there are some things to consider. Acknowledging the trauma and understanding the abuse is the beginning of healing. Here are few suggestions that can help you to get your life back on track.

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1. Recognising Emotional Abuse

In emotional abuse, there are no clear boundaries like physical or sexual abuse and that is why it is difficult to identify. In an emotionally abusive relationship, an individual often attempts to control the victim consciously or unconsciously by making them doubt themselves and question their experiences. This creates psychological stress and confusion and the person dealing with it suffers silently. Repressing abuse won't make it go away. Recognizing the pattern can empower you to understand the signs, and patterns and take necessary measures against them.

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2. Identify Your Triggers

Research says that any person who has been a victim of abuse can face anxiety, PTSD or depression. The trigger can be anything such as touch, smell, music, places, words, shouting, taste, and more. When the triggers are in play, a victim starts attaching certain negative emotions related to the events and abuser and begins to experience sad memories, panic attacks, etc. If you find It difficult to identify the triggers then you need to pause, take out some time to study them yourself or take professional help.

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3. Change Negative Thought Pattern Into A Positive One

After coming out of an abusive relationship and before dating, one needs to educate themselves about healthy and unhealthy relationships. Reading or knowing about abusive relationships will help you to understand the issues and heal yourself in a better manner. Not only you will be able to spot the signs, but you will know what your future relationship should look like. Once you learn about healthy relationships, it will be easy for you to set boundaries and expectations when you start dating again.


4. Rebuild Self-Love And Make It Your Priority

While leaving an abusive partner, it is essential to remember who you are. You may have had a bitter experience in the past so it is necessary to pause and recover from the past trauma and hurt. Some issues can be hidden deep down which need to be addressed before you move forward. Do not rush for a new relationship immediately and drag the unresolved issues into it. Self-care will not only heal you emotionally but will make you mentally stable. Focus on your emotional, physical and spiritual needs and keep them as your priority. It is important to boost your self-esteem, recognize your courage, understand your self-worth, and bring back your confidence before you start over or go on a date again.


5. Set Boundaries In Your New Relationship

Understand the warning signs and red flags before heading for a relationship. If an individual is a toxic partner, undoubtedly, it will create an abusive relationship. Therefore, it is best to end a relationship before it starts. On the other hand, if you find a person who makes you feel emotionally and physically safe, there is no harm in moving forward. Also, what's important is to be aware and careful of toxic behaviours and not draw parallels between your past and present relationship. However, you can use your experience to set a benchmark for your future relationships.

6. Learn To Trust Again

If you are planning to date again and be in a healthy relationship, then it is essential to learn to trust again, which is the foundation of every relationship. However, it won't happen in a jiffy and may take years to develop in some cases. Being vulnerable around your partner and sharing your weaknesses with them can take some time for people who have been in abusive relationships in the past. But, one can always observe the other partner's behaviour, and thought process and only when it makes them comfortable they can learn to trust their partner.


7. Find Professional Help

If you are finding it difficult to heal yourself after going through an abusive relationship, and talking to your partner, family members, or close ones or sharing your experiences with other people who are also victims of abuse is not helping anymore, then probably it is time that you get professional help. Getting a therapist or proper counselling will not only help you to overcome PTSD, and unnecessary anxiety, but will help you to fall in love the right way and have a healthy relationship in future. This will help you to deal with the past, acknowledge the issues and learn the techniques and methods to cope with the triggers.

 
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