How To Tell Your Wife You Need Space

By: Padmapreetham Mahalingam

When you are in love, you would want to spend time with your partner, especially in the beginning of your relationship.

In the beginning of your relationship, you only focus on your partner and that takes more priority in your life than other things.

And then after marriage, your life revolves around your partner and then you don't follow your 'alone time' routines any more, such as hanging out with your friends or cleaning the house or going to the gym.

Even though your marriage may be having ups and downs, there may be times when you really feel like you need space to recharge yourself.

Most couples would have heard the phrase, 'I need space’ umpteen number of times, either in movies or books. And imagine when it is communicated, it can be assumed/termed as worst.

Giving space does not essentially mean that you want to end your relationship; it is a basic requirement to fulfill certain obligations or that you need some independence in your life such as hanging out with friends or hitting the gym.

So, here are 7 steps to tell your wife that you need your space.

Identify And Pinpoint The Need For Space

Firstly, identify why you need space and stand firmly behind your request.

More importantly, asking for space can in fact send the wrong message to your wife that either you are not happy with her or your marriage is about to crumble, and it is impossible to fix the problem.

So, make sure to pinpoint why you need space in your relationship, whether you need some time alone to decompress after a busy week or a business project has a specific deadline that you want to focus on.


Choose A Public Space

A good way to tell your wife that you need your space is to meet her outside. Meet when both of you are relaxed and calm and are in a mood to listen to each other.

A public place such as a coffee shop or park is a perfect location to prevent your wife from creating a scene when you divulge your decision.


Define The Term – Space

If she is still confused with what you mean by space, define the term (tell her what you mean by space), so that you can lessen the potential for resentment.

Try to explain what type of space you are looking forward to, whether it is leisure time, working time or financial space. This way, you can help her understand the situation, and it is also less likely to result in friction.


Be Specific About Your Needs And Goals

One of the 7 steps to tell your wife that you need your space is to choose the word carefully. If you need more space, try to choose the timing carefully to talk about your needs.

It is important to be specific about your needs and goals.

Never say that your partner is doing wrong for not giving you some alone time, but rather in terms of what your need is. Yet remember, when you are spending sometime together, make sure to give the unbroken attention that she badly craves for.


Keep Your Conversation With ‘I’ Statements

Try not to get distracted when keeping the conversation going between you and your wife. Make sure to use 'I' statement when you want to talk about your needs, such as "I am feeling a lot of pressure at work" or "I want to purse my hobbies, but these days I don't get that opportunity".

This can help your wife to feel less attacked and less insulted. This is one of the simplest ways to tell your wife that you need space to focus on your life.


Respect Your Space

One of the 7 ways to tell your wife that you need your space is to clearly indicate about how long you want your wife to respect your space. If there is going to be an indefinite time period that is desirable, it is better to assure her with a timeline, as in how long is she expected to give you your much-needed space for your growth.

Reassure That You Would Be Committed

Make your partner know that adjusting space is essential for both individuals for optimal growth. It is particularly important to reassure your wife that you would leave everything and listen to her when the relationship hits a bad patch or if you both are moving far apart.

Also reassure that it is not permanent space that you want from her, but it is rather a growth space (especially in your career). Make her understand that during difficult situations, it is important for the couple to make additional adjustments when it is needed.


Read more about: wife, husband, marriage and beyond
Story first published: Wednesday, February 3, 2016, 5:00 [IST]
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