Do Love Marriages Last?

By Pooja Kaushal

Saturday, January 17, 2015, 14:59 [IST]

Love marriage vs arranged marriage – which is the better? This debate has always been going on and will continue. We can never give a definite answer to it. But it would not be wrong to say that arranged marriages get a favorable nod from many while a question like “does love marriage succeed?” is often asked.

Why do we have this little bias towards arranged marriages? Is it necessary that arranged marriages will succeed while love marriages will not? Definitely not! Be it love marriage or arranged there are factors that affect both. We have seen both work and both types developing problems. The deciding factor for a marriage to work cannot be in the manner of choosing a life partner.

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In a love marriage the partners know each other very well while in an arranged marriage it is the parents who help chose a bride or bridegroom. The girl and the guy may or may not get to know each other very well and much is left to discover after the marriage. Love may develop in the period between the engagement to marriage or after that. In such conditions rather than saying ‘does love marriage work’ one can also say ‘does arranged marriage work’.

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To make a marriage work it is not love before or after the marriage that matters. It depends upon many other factors. Love is just one of them, no doubt an important one but not the only one too.

• Commit: When you enter into marriage you decide to enter into a committed relationship. Both partners need to be truthful and honest with each other to make the marriage work. It is surely a huge change in life; from being single and carefree you suddenly have someone beside you all the time. You must be ready to commit yourself to such a change.

• Share: Marriages succeed when husband and wife share their lives together. What is important to one becomes important to another. Love, joy, sorrow and responsibilities are shared. Decisions are taken in consultation with one another.

• Understand: If you do not understand your partner you will never be able to live a happy married life. And this understanding is required for both love and arranged marriages. Love marriages do have this advantage of both partners knowing each other but it need not be necessary that an arranged marriage couple do not understand one another?

• Give space: A question like ‘does love marriage succeed’ can be brought up when something like giving space to each other is concerned. Before marriage during the courtship period you might have been spending most of your time with your girlfriend or boyfriend. After marriage you live together and are together most of the time but may want to hang out with friends once in a while. If your partner is not willing to accept this fact it can become a matter of concern. It may lead to misunderstanding as well. The idea is to give space to one another to live a full life.

• Unconditional love: This may sound a little farfetched from reality but is true – to be happy in marriage you need to give that unconditional love. If you really love your partner then you would not want something in return or you would not base your love on certain conditions. Love is not a bargain. You need to give what you can. Be true to yourself and everything around you will turn out right. And this can happen in either a love marriage or an arranged one.

Gone are the times when arranged marriages were only the preferred and love marriages were looked down upon. Does love marriage succeed? Yes it does but only when both the partners take efforts to make it work.