When parents fight in front of children, it's like dividing their tender little hearts into two. We adults can't really imagine what they go through when they see the two role models of their lives hitting out at each other. They need not know how serious the reason for an ugly spat between the two parents is. The very scene of the heated arguments and sometimes the violence related to it is enough to leave the kids in a trauma, even for the entire life.
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How adults' fighting in front of kids affects
The behaviour of parents shape the children's personality in a significant way. If you are arguing and fighting with your partner, understand that it is doing some major damage to your kids' psychology.
First, you are preparing them to grow as anxious individuals for if they continuously experience fighting at home, they begin to feel that their home is no more a secure place. This can make them unstable when they grow up as individuals and in turn affect future generations in your family.
Second, if a child sees his parents fighting over every second issue, he never learns to negotiate in his own relationship in later years. In his eyes, fighting and quarrelling become a right thing to do but actually it is not. As a result, your child becomes an incomplete individual when he/she grows up and gets unhappy in a relationship. So basically your own fight is going to ruin the lives of many more people in the days to come.
Thirdly, your kid never grows up as a normal one if his/her childhood gets disturbed by an unstable home environment. If you shout, it will make your child feel scared, cry, plead for peace and eventually they will face an unforgettable trauma. You might have to go for counselling to bring them back to normal life. Why create problems for the newly blossoming flowers?
How not to cause harm to your kids
So, how can the parents learn to improve things so that their kids do not suffer? It is like the adults learning to not become kids first. Mind you, it is not very easy for them to rectify things very easily either despite knowing very well that they are not doing it right. But of course they need to give it a try for the sake of their children.
Here are some tips for the parents:
Understand each other: Both you and your partner might be professionally extremely successful but when it comes to setting up your home, you need to take a step backward at times to allow peace a chance. Put yourself in the other's place to understand the problem from another angle. Relationships can be worked out beyond ego and rigidity. Plus, the negotiation teaches your kids a useful lesson.
Discuss problems that are coming up too often: Often, parents lock horns over a recurring problem as they fail to find a solution. But remember that shouting and arguing are no solutions either and they put the entire communication system in a jeopardy. Take on those problems that are happening again and again in your life with a cool head. Weigh the pros and cons and you will find a solution. But have a control over your mind and not make an issue out of it .
Do not participate in the argument: It always takes two hands to clap and two voices to argue. So no matter how much angry you are, do not answer back to any remark made by your partner, particularly when the kids are around. You let the momentary heat pass on by ignoring your partner's initial outburst and wait till things calm down. But don't forget what had happened. Bring up the matter at some other time in the middle of a happy conversation. This way, you can avoid a lot of problems.
Count off others when solving a problem: Act selfish, that is to say. The happiness of your own home comes first; so settle it before everything else. Ensure that your bonding with your partner and children is protected first. If there are any other parties to the problem, address that later.
Speak to others in the family: If you are unable to find a solution yourself, take into confidence member(s) of the extended family. In another way, speak to those other members if you sense there is a trouble coming up. But do all this through polite speaking and not aggression.
Children of couples who finally got separated because they thought there was no other way are indeed the biggest sufferers. So, while giving the thought of divorce a second thought, think about the fate of your innocent children. There is a long way ahead of them and parents' separation means they would have to travel that path all alone.